


Karlie and The Leopards

by orphan_account



Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Kaylor - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Journalist Karlie, Rocker Taylor, Slow Burn, The Leopards are a cultural reset, kaylor au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Leopards are a cultural phenomenon, the indie rock band even your mom will listen to - but, most importantly, this week they're Karlie Fares' job. After realizing Taylor Finlay was still an incognita after months of preparation, photoshoots, and interviews with the band, Karlie decides she needs to know who the singer really is.
Relationships: Karlie Kloss/Taylor Swift
Comments: 40
Kudos: 63





	1. Lacuna

**Author's Note:**

> I changed some names (e.g. Taylor Finlay and Karlie Fares) because I wanted to take some liberties with the characters' personalities, but I kept their family names so they're still the people we know and love.  
> Anyway... I'm guessing this is gonna be a wild ride.

Sometimes, Karlie stared at the blinking cursor and wondered if she was an imposter. She read somewhere that this feeling of not belonging between successful peers was the result of a psychological pattern of self-doubt, the imposter syndrome. _It doesn’t matter, Fares, just focus_. What really mattered was that she had to deliver a brilliant 20 thousand words piece before the next week, and at that moment the Evernote app glared back at her with a mean “0 words” gaze. The worst possible moment to figure out she needed therapy.

After rubbing her hands on her face until it turned red with friction, she decided to go through Cara’s album again while Wonderland by The Leopards played on her Spotify. The piece they were working on was a glance at the band’s “private” lives, and the pictures portrayed the three band members – Jesse, Taylor, and Austin – lounging in a hotel room. One of them, Karlie’s personal favorite, was the only spontaneous picture of the bunch: Taylor Finlay was relaxing after her session, her long legs sprawled all over the leather couch, eyes fixed on the ceiling, open notebook over her chest and the eraser tip of a BIC pencil between her lips. She was still wearing the photoshoot outfit – flared trousers that looked just a little bit questionable, white shirt and black blazer –, but her 80s styled hair was a wreck because of how frequently she ran her fingers through the blonde strands. Karlie was there when Cara took this picture. She was the one who poked Cara’s shoulder, risking a scold from the photographer, and pointed in Finlay’s direction.

Karlie wondered, now, if the song she was writing when the picture was taken was anything as good as Wonderland. She didn’t doubt it since Taylor Finlay had a habit of outdoing herself. Not that Karlie was a fan. She wasn’t.

Of course, her favorite picture didn’t make the cut. Despite Karlie’s whines and pouts, she knew it didn’t fit with the rest of the photoshoot. The colors were wrong, the lighting was off, and it felt almost… personal. Too personal for a Culture Club article. She felt too shy to even ask for Finlay’s e-mail and send her the picture, so she just left it to gather dust in the _TheLeopards_Photoshoot_October_ folder. But now she needed inspiration, and Taylor was the only lacuna on her knowledge about the band.

Well, she still didn’t know the girl’s e-mail, but she had Jesse’s number, which was good enough for now. Jesse Antonoff was the lead singer, and bassist, but he was on the keyboards sometimes and Karlie was pretty sure he was an excellent producer. He was also Karlie’s ex, but she refused to let that detail make itself relevant. They dated for almost an entire month, which was probably Jesse’s personal record, and it ended with a couple of drunken texts at three a.m. on a Friday night: _“thiz isnt workin isit?” “i don think it is man”_ – which, if you asked Karlie, was as civil and friendly as a break-up can be. They didn’t really keep in touch, but Karlie still had some privileges as “the only journalist I’ll trust messing around my tour bus,” as he once told her. So, it was worth the one-month stain on Karlie’s love life.

Five minutes after she sent him a text with the picture, Jesse’s name reappeared on her phone screen with a call. Awesome.

“Hi, Jesse. Did you receive the picture I sent you?” Karlie asked, knowing very well he received it but wanting to cut to the point. She rotated on her office chair and stared at the dotted New York night sky.

“Yeah, I just did. I’m forwarding it to Taylor right… now. You said you wanted to talk to her about her songwriting?”

Karlie was straining her ears to hear Jesse’s voice. There was so much background noise, she suspected he was at a party. Well, of course, what else would Jesse be doing at any given time?

“I know it’s late, I didn’t think you’d read this today,” Karlie said, even though she was unconsciously hoping for him to answer her and drag her out of her writer’s block misery before tomorrow afternoon. She had a deadline, after all – even though she never had a history of being organized and super responsible with them. “Anyway, I just wanted to exchange a few words, if possible, maybe if you just give me her e-mail...”

“I can do better. We’re throwing a party right now, and you’re invited.” Jesse answered, and someone screamed “heck yeah!” in the background.

“It wouldn’t be very ethical of me to interview a drunk, unsuspecting lady.” Karlie laughed at the absurdity of what he was proposing but felt her feet already fumbling around under the desk in search of her sneakers.

“Taylor’s no unsuspecting lady.” Jesse’s laughter surprised Karlie enough that she had to distance the phone from her ear. “We’re not _that_ drunk now, it’s still early, and as long as you don’t quote her I think it can’t hurt, right?”

“Text me the address.”

***

The place wasn’t as crowded as Karlie suspected – feared – it would be. After going through security, she crossed the front door to find a much tamer social gathering than the crazy rock and roll party Jesse would probably prefer. However, she still had to beat herself up because of how underdressed she was in her faux suede jacket. Sometimes, in the hurry of getting the job done, she forgot her job involved, 9 times out of 10, the richest, best-dressed artists in New York.

It wasn’t Jesse’s apartment, she realized as soon as her eyes fell over the tasteful Persian rug between two white couches ( _Oh, God, please don’t let these animals spill beer over it!_ ), with green and orange cushions on each side of them. Looking around, the complete absence of Jesse-ness was even more evident: a vase of yellow daisies decorated the center table, the wooden floor, and cream-colored walls made the place feel warm, and a well-worn copy of “Furious Love” was carelessly thrown over the other books on the expansive bookshelf covering one of the walls. Definitely not Jesse’s.

Karlie was startled when someone patted her arm, and she turned to find Taylor Finlay looking not-so-happy. “I never said you could write about my personal life.” Suddenly, Karlie was all too aware of the fact that she had unconsciously picked up the book and was now flipping through the marked pages. Finlay glared at the book in Karlie’s hands as if the thing personally offended her somehow. She was dressed casually, a black sweater over dark jeans and disheveled bangs falling over her eyes, but her makeup was dark and a little intimidating.

“Oh, God, sorry! I didn’t mean to… I’m here unofficially. I won’t be quoting you or writing about your life unless you soberly allow me to.” When she realized Taylor was still eyeing her suspiciously, Karlie continued: “Jesse invited me. I wanted to talk to you about your songwriting process. We didn’t have the chance to when…”

“Look, Fares… that’s your name, right?” Taylor interrupted her. “I’m not talking about work tonight. But if you stop snooping around, you can stay.” She forced a small smile while forcefully pulling the book out of Karlie’s hands and returning it to the shelf.

“Yes, of course. And you can call me Karlie. I mean, if you want to.” Karlie was talking out of nervousness, and she knew it. Even though she had a perfectly fine justification to be there, and, technically, wasn’t doing anything wrong, it still felt like being caught with her hand in the jar. Finlay nodded, a little smile threatening to pull on her lips, and turned back to the group laughing loudly behind them.

***

It was about midnight when Karlie found herself being dragged into the conversation by four girls, looking as drunk as she felt. Since Taylor slashed through her plans with a sharp gaze – and completely vanished from the party –, she decided to drop the task for the night and leave her problems to Tomorrow Karlie. She’d better know what to do.

“I can’t believe you chickened out again, Mandy.” A light-haired girl wearing cat ears and holding a mini bottle of wine muffled her laughter with one of the cushions. When the hand holding the bottle tilted dangerously, Karlie quickly took it and placed it on the center table. _Taylor should thank me for saving her couch._

A song that was decidedly not indie rock (Karlie deduced it was something by Carly Rae Jepsen) was playing on the background as the various groups of conversation migrated across the living room. The chatter and the sounds of plastic cups being squished almost eclipsed the music.

“I dare _you_ to ask Julia Carin out without freezing, asshole.” Mandy Gomez approached the group and threw another one of the cushions at her friend, but missed by a distance so considerable that Karlie suspected it wasn’t wine in the tiny bottles. “She keeps rolling her eyes and grinning at me like I’m stupid.”

“The good old dilemma: is she hot, or is she just mean?” Karlie intervened, taking the drink to her lips as soon as she realized actual words had slipped out of them. Mandy seemed to notice her for the first time, and threw her head back laughing at her remark.

“It’s only now hitting me that I do have a type,” Mandy answered and started looking at Karlie more intently, her elbows digging on her thighs as she bent forward. “Did we meet before?”

“Oh, maybe. I work with the Culture Club, so… It’s a possibility. I’m Karlie, by the way.” She introduced herself briefly, and suddenly the laughter faded from the group. It took Karlie a few seconds to register the fact that her introduction had created palpable tension in the group. Mandy looked almost sober now, eyes wide and pinning Karlie to her seat.

“Culture Club, the magazine? _That_ Culture Club?”

“Calm down, Mandy, she must’ve signed an NDA.” One of the other girls, whose voice Karlie still hadn’t heard, said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

“Uhm, actually… I didn’t. But I’m not working right now.” She raised the bottle in her hand to prove her statement and took another sip. Mandy still wasn’t buying it.

“Taylor allowed you in, and you didn’t even sign an NDA? What do you do with Culture Club? Financial department?” She looked like she was about to freak out. Something about the way her question was imbued with hysterical laughter was making Karlie’s skin itch.

“I’m a journalist.” Karlie answered, but was quick to add: “But I’m not writing a single word about this party. That’s not why I’m here.”

“Taylor Finlay finally fucking lost it! Inviting a journalist!” Mandy practically shrieked, and the other girls stared at her with wide, worried eyes. Luckily, the rest of the guests still hadn’t caught up with the little quarrel developing around them. Just as Karlie thought she’d have to excuse herself and call it a night, Mandy took a deep breath with her eyes closed and said, her voice lower: “Well, she must trust you if you’re here with her permission. So, I trust you too. Don’t fuck it up.”

“Yes, she must,” Karlie answered, fighting the wave of thoughts that hit her with that conclusion ( _Taylor trusts me! Why, though?_ ), and made it difficult for her eyes to regain focus. “And I won’t fuck it up. I’m fucking terrified of Finlay.”

It was enough to crack the ice, as everyone laughed and nodded in agreement. Someone scoffed and said, “as you should!” before the group broke in laughter again.

***

After the group dispersed, Karlie was left by herself sitting in front of the center table, staring at the _goddamned daisies_ that made absolutely no sense with the rest of Taylor’s dark aesthetic. Something about it bothered Karlie more than the colorful cushions did.

She knew it was just a matter of time until another group claimed the couches, but it felt good to be slightly more isolated now than she was a few minutes ago. Her last sip of white wine was making her head and limbs heavier than usual, so she let her head rest against the couch and closed her eyes. There were only two _why_ s daring to rip apart the delectable clouds of drunken bliss: “why does Taylor trust me?” and “why daisies?”

Karlie didn’t realize she was asking the last question out loud before a sweet – so _sweet_ – and breathy sound pulled her gently from her reverie. Finlay was sitting next to her, clearly drunker than she’d been earlier that night, and laughing softly at Karlie’s foolishness. “Daisies are pretty, that’s all. Not as deep as you expected, huh?”

“I’m disappointed in you, Finlay,” Karlie said, grinning despite the embarrassment of being caught in a drunk daydream.

“Well, maybe you can make it mean something if you try really hard. Here.” Taylor bent forward in her seat and reached for the vase, while the other girl giggled and stared at her in confusion. She plucked one of the flowers from it and looked back at Karlie. They stopped giggling as soon as her hand moved to Karlie’s face, and Karlie’s breath was caught in her throat.

Her guitarist fingers made a quick job of tucking Karlie’s hair behind her ear and placing the daisy there, the petals whispering against the girl’s skin and making it even harder for her to breathe.

“And I don’t know why I trust you either,” Taylor whispered, shaking her head to disperse the seriousness of the moment and returning to a casual grin before she stood up and walked away.


	2. To Kill a Furious Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter just to make the plot clearer. :)

When Karlie woke up the next morning, she knew she hadn’t slept nearly enough to process the amount of alcohol consumed the night before but staying in bed just didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the way her jeans were digging at her waist, the agonizing dryness of her throat, the annoying amount of sunlight breaching the blinds, or maybe it was just her desperate need to check her phone.

Since she woke up five minutes before and refused to open her eyes, believing the hangover would lull her back to profound sleep, memories from the last 12 hours came flooding her mind and making the promise of peaceful sleep even more distant. Sometimes, Karlie passionately wished to be one of the lucky bastards who had post-binge-drinking amnesia. Well, she wasn’t one of them, but apparently she had paramnesia with a beautiful tinge of fantasy because there was some crazy dream about Finlay tucking her hair behind her ear that was running wild across the front of her drowsy brain. Karlie heard her phone ringing before she found the courage to lift her torso and grab it. She groaned when she realized it was Wendy calling.

The senior editor never made phone calls, _ever_. Wendy would rather listen to Burnin’ up by Jonas Brothers on loop forever than have to call someone _(“that’s what e-mails are for! Send me a fucking letter for all I care!”_ ). So now Karlie was pretty sure Wendy knew about her last adventures. How? Only God knows, and, honestly, God could very well be one of her sources.

“Hi, boss,” Karlie rasped to herself, testing her tired voice before actually answering the call. She sounded terrible. “Hi, boss. Hey, boss! What’s up, boss?” She tried again, multiple times, between sips on the cup of stale water that was sitting on the bedside table for probably too many days. When the rasp was almost entirely gone, she ventured on answering Wendy. “Hi, boss.”

“Tell me _everything_!”

The excitement on Wendy’s voice should be an incentive, a pat on the back, a soft, warm hug from a proud mom, but it was terrifying. Obviously, Karlie had been to many parties with celebrities before, and Wendy never called her asking about it the morning after – she always received a mighty demand for gossip via e-mail, though. The pièce de resistance here was, of course, Taylor Finlay’s private life. Taylor Finlay’s house, Taylor Finlay’s friends, all the _hot stuff_ the media’s been after for years.

Dazed as Karlie was by Finlay’s Heathcliff-Esque hospitality and all the wine she was serving, she didn’t realize how unusual it was to be let into her inner circle. Mandy’s words came back to her with sudden force, and she let her head fall back to the pillow. _“Taylor Finlay finally fucking lost it!”_ , Mandy had almost screamed. Did Finlay never let a journalist inside her house before? Probably not. _Oh, I am so fucked._

“Karlie? I’m waiting! What’s going on?” Wendy sounded as impatient as ever. “Are you hungover?” Before Karlie could answer, she continued: “Yes, you are. I’ll give you some time to get yourself together and call me back, but _you will_ call me.” Again before she could utter a syllable, Wendy finished the call, and Karlie felt sick. Her stomach was roiling, and she was pretty sure her face was turning some shade of green.

_I don’t know why I trust you either._

***

Every time Karlie took the MBTI test it gave her a different result, but the one thing that ran through every single one of her multiple personalities was her problem-solving ability. She always had that weird soldier-like way of reacting coolly to situations that put her under pressure. It meant she never engaged in a shouting match, always knew when to excuse herself, and always met her deadlines even when it meant pulling an all-nighter or three without losing her mind to the sleep deprivation.

With that in mind, Karlie was sure it wouldn’t be that difficult to solve _the Finlay problem_ , as she unconsciously named it. Wendy was expecting an answer, and that’s what she would give her, describing in detail how weirdly decorated Taylor Finlay’s house was, with adorable old lady trinkets adorning the shelves, the weirdly sentimental favorite book, and the yellow flowers… Of course, that general description was innocent enough, especially without throwing one of Finlay’s friends out of the closet. Wendy would hate her forever for that silly gossip about indoor design.

And somehow, even talking about the stupid book would feel like a deep betrayal of a trust she did absolutely nothing to conquer. Karlie stood up in a flurry and searched her desk drawers for her Kindle. In less than 5 minutes, she already had Furious Love by Sam Kashner open, and typed “prisoner” on the search bar. That’s the only word she remembered from Finlay’s post-it markings, and it couldn’t be that frequent, could it?

The first result of her search was a quote about Elizabeth Taylor. _“'She was kind of a prisoner of the whole crowd because she couldn’t go out in public without being molested,' but she was safe with Burton and the actors.”_

***

“All you have to tell me is that Finlay was reading To Kill a Mockingbird? Do you hate your job, Fares?” Wendy’s voice delivered so much disappointment, it felt like Karlie was being reprimanded about kicking a puppy.

“I don’t know, Wendy, it felt like everything was snoopy-journalist-proofed like she was waiting for me to look around and wanted me to find nothing,” she lied as well as she could. Karlie knew if they were having this conversation in the office, her boss would be able to read the lie on her face. Wendy didn’t make senior editor by being naïve. “Everything was very minimalistic, and her friends were the usual crowd, doing the usual shit. I'll e-mail you the details about Jesse getting off his face.”

“You could’ve sent me an e-mail, then.”

“Well, you told me to call.”

“I thought you’d give me a scoop on Mandy Gomez, or at least tell me Finlay runs a satanic gay cult. I wasn’t expecting minimalistic decoration and socially concerned literature.”

With a scoff, the senior editor finished the call, and… _oh, fuck, the media really is going after Gomez, then._ When she freaked out last night, Karlie thought the girl was overreacting. Consumed as she was with her music column, Karlie almost never had the time to focus on celebrity gossip. And almost never means she hadn’t paid attention to it in literal years. Her life was deadline after deadline, and except for the occasional parties she went to in order to maintain her status and meet her sources – mostly producers, executives and Jesse –, the subject of who was snogging whom, and who was blackout drunk with vodka, was irrelevant. It never occurred to her that she was one of Wendy’s sources, despite being an amateurish one.

Suddenly, it occurred to Karlie to search Taylor’s name and see what the gossip was, but it also felt like a betrayal. Certainly, by what Wendy had said, gay rumors and gothic bulshit – apparently Americans hadn’t evolved past homophobia nor satanic panic, which wasn’t surprising. Without overthinking what she was doing, Karlie picked up her phone again and asked Jesse for Taylor’s number.

At that point, she couldn’t tell what came first: Finlay’s unreasoned trust in her, or Karlie’s unreasoned loyalty.


	3. Yesterday

“I can’t give you her number, she almost ripped off my face yesterday when she found out I put you on the list,” Josh answered promptly. Every sign of insistence from Karlie prompted a severe NO from him, and so she gave up.

“She didn’t talk to me yesterday, though, she just disappeared after seeing me there.”

“Yeah, she tends to do that. Can’t you gloss over that with some fancy wording and get the piece done with?” Jesse sighed a puff of air next to the microphone, and Karlie knew she didn’t have much of his patience left. He helped her through every stage of the composition, even though she’s not one to depend on the artists’ good-will to write. It was understandable that her sudden insistence on getting something from Finlay was finally getting to the last of his high spirits.

“It’s the last time I’m asking you anything, I swear. The piece will be done by next Saturday, and you’ll be Karlie-free for the rest of the year,” she insisted, softening her voice as much as she could in hopes of pulling on his heartstrings. It used to work when they were dating.

“Look, I can sneak you in the backstage tomorrow if you stay after the show, but that’s the last of it. If Taylor refuses to talk to you again, you’re on your own.” His voice was serious and final. Karlie wondered if Finlay really threatened to rip his face off, literally. “And please don’t tell her it was me.”

“I swear I won’t Jesse. I owe you one.”

“You really do.” Jesse laughed to himself, and that made Karlie sigh in relief. The last thing she needed was to push her best source too far. “Was that all? Joey was sleeping with his tongue stuck out today, I have to send you the picture.”

***

Karlie didn’t often think about 2018, the year she dated Jesse, and the year she dropped her stupid job managing small businesses’ finances to pursue her dream of becoming a journalist. After college, it felt like her journalism degree and her dream of becoming a writer were just the product of teenage naïveté. It was about the same time she realized that Andy Sachs running around New York with a Harry Potter draft under her arm was just an overworked, underpaid employee. So she decided to get a second degree in Administration, despite her father’s protests, and step into her big girl shoes. As it’s obvious, it didn’t last, and, right before Karlie met Jesse, she decided to quit pretending she could live like that.

It was a difficult moment, to say the least. Jesse was one of many guys that passed through her life that year, but he was the only one who stayed and checked on her frequently even after the break-up. They weren’t close, probably never were even during their brief relationship, but they cared about each other enough that, when Karlie got her job as a junior editor for Culture Club, he was the first person she told. Which, when Karlie thought about it, was very telling of how lonely she was. Yes, that’s why she never thought about 2018.

Jesse sent her Joey’s picture, and it was indeed the cutest thing she’d seen all week. Joey was the dog they unwillingly adopted when Karlie’s neighbor died and no one from his family wanted to take the old grumpy Yorkshire home. The dog ended up getting too attached to Jesse and vice-versa, so she didn’t have the heart to separate the duo after the break-up.

Karlie shook her head to break the clouds of memories that surged through her looking at Joey’s tiny snout. “Oh my God, I can’t believe our baby is a disgusting old man now!”

***

“The usual, please,” Karlie said, slipping a five-dollar bill over the counter. The café employee looked like she was about to panic when Karlie laughed and corrected herself: “Just kidding, it’s the first time I come here. An iced oat milk latte, please.”

After picking up her order and distancing herself from the barista’s annoyed glares, Karlie sat down next to a power socket and turned her notebook on. The blinking cursor was once again staring at her, but she knew she couldn’t depend on Taylor Finlay talking to her tomorrow to start doing her job – it was just procrastination. However, since Finlay was her biggest topic of interest, that’s where she decided to start. Karlie thought back to the first time they met – or the first time Karlie saw her but wasn’t seen back.

The Leopards were starting to take off, two years ago, and she went to watch the band in one of their early concerts in a pub. It should feel nice, being the vocalist’s girlfriend, the girl every other girl in that pub envied. But, surprisingly, most girls weren’t staring at Jesse or Austin. Instead, they were staring at the smug guitarist swaying her hips in rhythm with the slow, ominous song. Jesse’s voice was low and sensuous, but it didn’t call any attention to him, it only made the vision of Finlay’s messy, dark figure more alluring. After the show ended, Karlie was still trying to regain her footing.

The first time they really met, though, was when Karlie went backstage with them for a Culture Club note on the band’s first USA tour. She asked Finlay a few generic questions about how excited she was for it, how the preparations were going, and the girl looked so bored by it that Karlie decided to add a twist to the interview. “I’ve seen the crowd screaming your name on my way in, your fangirls are absolutely in love with you. How do you feel about it?”

Finlay almost choked on air at that, and Karlie could swear she saw the guitarist blushing. “Are they? Oh. Well. It’s fine, I think. It’s fine.”

Thinking about it now, it was hilarious. Nowadays, if presented with such a question, the girl was quick to answer something about representativity in the rock scene, empowerment, and some other bulshit. The girls throwing bras at the stage for sure weren’t worried about a feminist schedule, but if Taylor Finlay wanted to pretend like she wasn’t collecting a lesbian public with her nimble fingers and ridiculous smirk, Karlie could let her.

Karlie’s fingers flew over her keyboard, writing about Finlay’s on-stage persona, how free-spirited and wild she looked with the guitar strap around her neck, and, after descending the stage, the closed-off personality that every journalist had a problem with. She wrote about how people usually forget that Finlay is the genius behind every lyric The Leopards ever released. Even though the songs sounded like sex on Jesse’s voice, they were Taylor’s words, Taylor’s emotions, and… The article was sounding a whole lot like a love letter. Karlie sighed and rubbed her face, lowering her face as to not stare at the starstruck John Watson she just pulled on those pages. It was going to be a long afternoon.

***

The next day, the weather was as warm as any October morning could be. Karlie forced herself out of bed, knowing very well that her Sunday writing session had been a failure but hoping Taylor would be amenable to talking to her later that night and, who knows, maybe her writer’s block would come to an end. The fleeting thought of the girl putting a daisy behind her ear crossed her mind, but once again she discarded it as a drunken hallucination.

Walking through the corridors of the Culture Club headquarters, she felt Wendy Wolbert’s vicious gaze following her steps through the offices’ glass walls. _So I’m still not in the clear for Saturday’s screw-up_ , Karlie thought, deciding to ignore the way her senior editor sneaked suspicious glances at her throughout the entire day.

Being a protégée had its benefits, of course, since Karlie was the only writer on her floor with a closed office and a junior editor position. She had a direct line with Wendy, and, well, Wendy wasn’t the Miranda Priestly everyone thought she was. Despite her bad reputation as a music industry vulture, Karlie suspected the woman had a heart. A frozen one, at that, but it was still something.

Karlie joined forces with Wolbert when the editor still wasn’t occupying her seat at the top, and together they climbed the headquarters’ hierarchy: an exceptional writer with nothing to lose, and an ambitious woman who knew too much about too many. There were many times when Karlie regretted her decisions, but it was just too late to back off. Wendy had a noose around Karlie's neck: she could choose to pretend it was a stylish choker or… jump into her death.

Deciding to ignore her most urgent task for the moment, the journalist focused on simpler tasks of revising articles for the next issue and answering to partnership e-mails. Despite the constant distractions, she spent the entire day pretending the anxiety growing hot in her chest wasn’t being inflamed by the thought of staring into presumptuous blue eyes again.


	4. Darkened room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I posted so many chapters in a row because I wanted to get over with the introductions and finally be able to focus more on the relationship. I hope you enjoy it!

The smoke filling the room looked a lot like the dry ice that flooded the stage before Austin Swift’s silhouette cut through it earlier. Now, Austin was resting his head against Finlay’s legs, nose stuck in a poorly stapled screenplay. Karlie was trying to peek around his shoulder to see what the screenplay was about.

“Don’t bother. It’s probably some obscure 90s musical you’ve never heard of,” Finlay told her when she noticed her curiosity. Austin turned his head, frowning, and she caught a glimpse of what seemed to be a dialogue between Mia and Sebastian.

“No, it’s La La Land. Pretty mainstream if you ask me,” Karlie pointed out, earning a little smile from the boy sitting beneath her. Taylor rolled her eyes.

“Maybe he’s learning to live in society, then.”

After the show, they all went back to the dressing room. The band was too tired to party, after an entire weekend of, well… partying. But they were also finishing the long-ass planning necessary to begin another country-wide tour, that would probably precede their first world tour, and that’s pressure enough to make you resort to a joint in a silent darkened room occasionally. Karlie followed them after a security guard pulled her from the crowd, probably at Jesse’s orders, but Jesse was nowhere to be seen when she reached the corridor. When Karlie opened the door and found only Finlay and Swift laying on the couch, she wondered if she would be thrown out of the room immediately. Despite her worst fears, Finlay only frowned briefly and then shrugged her shoulders, as if accepting her fate. “Jesse is out there snogging someone. Make yourself at home.”

They were silent for a while, but after watching the siblings exchange a few inside jokes and kick at each other for the dumbest reasons, Karlie felt like she was back at home with her hyper-active sisters. Maybe it was the smoke intoxicating her, or Finlay’s citrusy perfume, but something kept her mouth shut and made her relax next to the girl on the couch, and she didn’t dare break the fragile balance of their mutual existence, especially considering she never spent that much time with her before.

That was until something poked at her ribs and she was forced to open her eyes. Finlay was holding the joint in front of her face, and Karlie promptly took it, trying to lift it to her lips fast enough that her mind wouldn’t have the time to process where that cigarette had been before. The other girl watched her with curiosity for some time, staring at Karlie’s lips as if expecting her to cough, but that didn’t happen, and the joint returned to her pale fingers.

Karlie took her turn to observe, then, feeling a little braver after the friendly demonstration – which she repeated throughout the night –, and noticed Taylor had already taken off her make-up, leaving behind only a few accidental smudges of red lipstick on her cupid bow. Her hair was curlier too, probably because she was sweating so much on the stage. She was tired, but somehow still managed to look like a rockstar.

Austin looked a lot like her, too, at least physically – he was way less reserved and didn’t mind sharing his thoughts. After Karlie mentioned La La Land, he went on a rant about how musicals are the best human creation, and that he dreamed of a musical based on The Leopards discography.

“Finlay certainly has a talent for story-telling,” Karlie remarked, and he nodded in agreement. The topic died there, but the blush on his sister’s neck took a few more seconds to fade.

After a few minutes, Finlay kicked lightly at Austin’s legs, calling his attention once again. “Hey, don’t you think it’s time you go find Jesse?” Her tone was off, somehow, but Karlie didn’t care. It wasn’t worry tinging her words, it was intention. Austin bit back a chuckle before answering.

“Are you sure, big sis?”

“Just fucking go,” she said, kicking harder this time. He laughed louder and stood up to exit the room.

***

More time passed before either of them said anything. Karlie lost track of time, so she couldn’t tell if they stayed silent for 5 minutes or 50, but something prompted Taylor to turn her head to the side and stare at the other girl’s profile.

“What did you wanna talk about?”

“Honestly…,” Karlie started, searching her mind for the script she had prepared to follow that exact question. “I can’t remember.”

They both broke out laughing. Taylor bent her body forward, but her torso weighed sideways, and she almost let herself fall over Karlie’s legs. “I can’t believe you practically stalked me the entire weekend and now you don’t know what you wanted to ask.”

“I swear to God, I can’t either.”

Karlie was already breathless with laughter by the time one of the questions she had prepared randomly passed across her eyes, and she forced it out between giggles. “The lyrics you write are about your personal life, aren’t they?” Taylor opened her mouth to interrupt, but Karlie was faster. “I mean, I know what you tell the press, that they’re just fiction. What you told _me_. But I also know it’s crap.”

“Excuse me?”

“Off-record. I promise.” She turned to face Taylor and was met with wide blue eyes. Her mouth was gaping but, as soon as Karlie smiled at her, her lips stretched in answer.

“Yes, they are.” She whispered, and Karlie could’ve sworn she felt a puff of air touching her lips, even though their faces weren’t that close. “I can’t believe I just told you that.”

“Lots of unbelievable things happening today.”

“Now tell me something about you. I can’t be the only one acting high and dumb.”

“What do you wanna know?”

Karlie turned her eyes back to the ceiling and took the joint from Taylor’s fingers again. She patted her jacket in search of a lighter and lit up what was left of the joint almost burning her fingers. It was necessary: something to do with herself while waiting for Taylor’s delayed response. She smoked what was left of it and dropped the tip on the center table.

“You stopped going to our shows after you broke up with Jesse.”

“That wasn’t a question, but yes, I did.” And then it hit her. “Wait, did you notice?”

“I mean, it was hard not to. You’re six feet two, Karlie.”

They started laughing again, but there was a warm numbness in Karlie’s gut that refused to go away, no matter how hard she laughed.

“Why did you stop, though?”

“Why does it matter?”

Somehow, they were facing each other again. Taylor’s brows were furrowed as she tried to read something in Karlie’s face, but it didn’t seem like the reading was going smoothly.

“I mean, you didn’t have a messy break-up, so I just don’t see why you would disappear.”

“I didn’t disappear!” Karlie exclaimed, confused, and noticed the conversation was following a totally different script from the one she had planned. “And why do you know so much about my break-up?”

“How could I not know about your break-up, Karlie? I’ve shared a single bed with your ex. _Platonically_.” Her playful tone was enough to tear through Karlie’s defensiveness.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have ‘disappeared’.”

“I frequently am.”

Silence fell over them again but didn’t last long.

“Why don’t you sing the songs you write?”

Karlie heard a sharp intake of breath beside her.

“Because Jesse has better vocals.”

“I doubt that.”

“You never heard me sing.”

“I still doubt that.”

Taylor turned to face her, the awed expression from earlier all over her face again. When she nervously moved her hand on the couch, her pinky finger ended up under Karlie’s thigh. Karlie didn’t know how it was possible that she was aware of that insignificant touch, but she was.

“Will you sing for me someday?”

“Maybe.”

Karlie’s hand moved before she could think of it, and paused tentatively over Taylor’s.

“Good enough.”

***

It was almost two a.m. when Taylor received texts from Jesse and Austin asking if she had gotten home safe, and they realized they’d been talking and laughing at shapes on the ceiling for far too long. The cleaning crew was still working when they left the dressing room, but half the security staff that guarded the place had already left. Of course, Taylor’s personal guard was still somewhere in the building, but she didn’t seem keen on finding him.

“I usually leave through the backstreet, but I think we might have fucked it up.”

It turns out they did, indeed, fuck it up. The guard responsible for keeping the card keys to alternative access had left half an hour earlier, since the only people left in the building were Karlie, Taylor, and the cleaning staff, and why would they need more than one door?

“We can just leave through the front door, it’s okay,” Karlie answered, not quite comprehending the other girl’s nervousness.

“I’d tell you to go first, but I don’t want you to pass through them alone.”

“Them, who?”

Suddenly, Taylor was on her cellphone, talking to her security guard – who showed up so fast it would seem like he was behind them the whole time. The girl glanced at Karlie with what looked like an apology, and finally, they were crossing the front door to meet a small crowd of grumpy photographers.


	5. Shitstorm

Taylor insisted on driving her home, and she was only happy to type her address on the GPS, not keen on waiting for an Uber. Karlie stepped in the fancy black car and for a second the silly thought that it didn’t fit Taylor’s style crossed her mind. Well, at least it probably had bulletproof windows. Another silly thought.

Her skin was getting warmer as the girl on the driver seat, hands tight on the steering wheel, sneaked glances at her. She was probably trying to gauge her reaction to the media harassment they just left behind. Karlie thought she should probably say something to soothe her worries, but her mind was wandering in dangerous territory. Despite how open Taylor had been with her that night, she couldn’t open her mouth and let some stupid comparison to Elizabeth Taylor slip – but that’s where her stoned brain was taking her.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Why would you be sorry?” Karlie was genuinely surprised. “One of the assholes outside actually work with me. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“Well…” Taylor shrugged her shoulders. It was evident she was holding something back too.

“Is it like that every time?”

“Only when someone tips them, which happens a lot in New York.”

“What are they aiming for? It’s not like they got anything particularly interesting out of it today.”

She deviated her focused stare on the road for a few seconds to look, really look at Karlie, and smiled bitterly. “Today.”

***

The rest of the ride home was silent, and Karlie got out of the car with a quick nod. She watched as the two black cars – Taylor’s and her security guard’s – disappeared in the corner and took a deep breath for the first time in hours.

It took her a long time to fall asleep that night. At first, because she was starving and had to get up multiple times to raid the fridge. And then, because her mind couldn’t stop wrapping itself around the thought of Taylor Finlay and go to rest. She disentangled her legs from the sheets once again and wandered around the house doing the most trivial things she could think about at three a.m., like washing dishes and checking for correspondence. At least her Amazon order had arrived.

Unfortunately, said order was a physical copy of Furious Love. Giving up on sleep at that point, she fumbled with the plastic that snugly covered the book and refused to rip apart. Karlie sighed and got to her feet again to look for a pair of scissors. Her hands groped around her clothing drawers blindly, but instead of hard plastic, they found soft petals.

“What the…,” she murmured, taking a sad-looking daisy from her jeans pocket, and her mind came to a halt. Without processing the facts, she went back to where she left the book sitting on her living room rug and fumbled with it once again, this time being way less careful with the packaging and undoing it with whatever was left of her nails. When the plastic was out of the way, she mindlessly placed the flower on one of the last pages and closed the book – only to give up and open it again, at the introduction.

Karlie spent the rest of the dawn with her night lamp on, and if sometimes she imagined Taylor navigating the pages instead of Elizabeth, if sometimes she saw herself on Richard Burton’s words, no one would ever know.

***

When her alarm rang at 7 a.m., Karlie had been napping, still sitting on the bed, for half an hour. She could complain and cry about it all she wanted, it was no one’s fault but hers, and so she resolutely got out of bed and dragged herself around the house to get ready for the day.

Despite the lack of sleep and the burning feeling on her throat, Karlie was in a good mood when she entered the Culture Club headquarters, iced coffee in hand. Karlie knew what it was, she was aware of the particular nature of the thrill she was feeling walking around town with her headphones on. But, for now, it was better not to look at it too closely, or else she’d become an unproductive mess.

A few hours later, the midday sun was washing over her office, heightened by the glass walls behind her and warming her golden strands of hair. It was unusual to have that much sunlight in Fall, so Karlie was basking on it, listening to some weird metallic instrumentals on low volume while she finished the first half of The Article. It was flowing nicely – _finally!_ –, and she didn’t notice Wendy opening the door and stepping inside until the woman was sitting right in front of her, one of her lean legs over the desk.

“Oh, hi!” She paused the music and turned to face Wendy.

“How’s your task going?”

Wendy was smiling widely, a manic gleam on her eyes that usually puts Karlie on alert.

“I’m halfway through it. Want me to send you a draft?”

“You know I don’t have time to read your drafts.”

They stared at each other for a while after that, and Karlie could feel the frown on her face deepening. “You’re not here to ask me about my proficiency.”

“No, I’m not.” Her smile widened if that’s possible, and Karlie pushed her chair back so she could better observe Wolbert. “I think I may have the proposition that will grant you a senior chair, Fares.”

Karlie’s heart skipped a beat. Of course, being a senior editor, able to pursue a writing career with a steady job, was her dream when she entered the Culture Club team as an intern. But she had already progressed faster than usual after falling on Wolbert’s graces and wasn’t expecting a promotion for the next two years, at least – unless one of the old men running the circle died earlier. She resisted the urge to pinch herself.

“I see you’re speechless.”

“Well, yes, of course. It’s… unexpected,” Karlie answered, and was already feeling a little smile pulling on the corners of her mouth when reality hit her like cold water. She was smart enough to know everything Wendy gave her came with a price. “Tell me more about it.”

“I know you don’t like the Whispers session,” Wolbert said, with a look on her face that dared Karlie to interrupt her. The Whispers session was a euphemism for gossip. Despite the effort employed in making the Culture Club a serious music-focused magazine, it would probably languish and die without the monthly steaming cups of tea. Karlie saw the session as an unfortunate necessity to keep the publication afloat, but Wendy saw it as her goldmine. “I never asked you to get involved with it until now, but I think it’s time you stop ignoring what it means to grow in these headquarters.”

Every month, a few scandals were dissected and delivered to the general public, that ate them up without a question. Karlie never wandered to that specific part of the website, but she knew it wasn’t always bad. Sometimes, it was a celebrity pregnancy or an interview with the unfortunate that were caught in a catfight. But, sometimes, it could be filled with disastrous exposés that resulted in the pile of lawsuits Karlie saw on Wolbert’s desk. And she wasn’t stupid enough to not know already what Wolbert was asking of her.

“I’m not writing an exposé on Taylor.”

“So you’re already on a first-name basis? Fantastic! When I saw the pictures earlier I wondered…” Wendy completely ignored her denial and lifted herself off the desk.

“I’m telling you there’s no way I’m writing about her for the Whispers. There’s no way I’m writing for the Whispers, point-blank. I told you that a long time ago, Wendy.”

“I’ll ignore that for your good, baby. You know when the November issue is gonna be revised way better than I do, so, that’s your deadline.”

Wolbert clasped her hands together, declaring those were her final words and left the room with a grin. It was like a hurricane had just passed through Karlie’s recently re-organized life and left through that same door.

***

The rest of the day had passed in silence. Karlie left the office early and went to the café next to her house to finish the article and robotically answer some e-mails. She couldn’t risk staying in the headquarters and having to deal with Wendy again before she made up her mind about throwing away her principles and… something else she still refused to think about.

In these moments it hit her again how lonely her life was. There wasn’t a single friend she could complain to, and cry to, and ask for a place on the couch in case she had to quit her job. _What, am I considering quitting?_ she asked herself when the flow of thoughts slowed down enough that she could keep track of it. No, she wouldn’t quit. It wasn’t a possibility.

Karlie picked up her phone to call someone, but there wasn’t a single appropriate option to discuss her dilemma with. Maybe her father or her 14-year-old sisters, but they would tell her to follow her heart and it would be useless. She went through her contact list and stopped on Cara’s name, the photographer she got closer to after a few months working together. Maybe…

No. Shit, she didn’t trust a single person in New York.

While scrolling hopelessly through her contacts, her eyes got caught on a weird sequence of emojis. Not a single name on her contacts list had emojis, since most of them were merely professional relationships, so it was… unusual. Someone’s contact was saved with 5 princess emojis and a guitar. _Oh_.

At some point last night, Taylor had saved her number on Karlie’s phone and asked her what emoji to use. Karlie was still laughing about something she couldn’t quite recall and told her to use the princess emoji. They laughed for another five minutes because of it, and Taylor probably pressed the emoji for too long before adding the guitar.

It had become a pattern in Karlie’s life, recently: doing things without thinking, just because they felt good. So she pressed the ‘call’ button, again, without thinking.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! What were you gonna do? Tell her everything?” Karlie muttered to herself as the call went to a halt and Taylor’s recorded voice told her she couldn’t pick up the phone at the moment. Silly of her to believe a celebrity she barely knew would drop everything to pick up her calls.

***

Karlie couldn’t bear to look at the book sitting on her bedside table, or the sheets she left this morning when she still thought life was great, so she simply picked up some wine – _unhealthy_ , her mind supplied –, Cheetos and ice cream – _even worse_ , but this time she ignored – in a convenience store before going home and making herself comfortable in the living room. Trying to ignore the constant floods of preoccupation after silencing her phone and slipping into her pajamas, she sank on the sofa with a glass of wine and settled for a teen drama marathon. She was starting to get involved with the poor narrative when she heard the distant sound of her neighbor’s doorbell ring. It was late at night, so Karlie only smirked to herself and thought “ _good for them_ ”.

Only it rang again, this time closer. Maybe the person rang the wrong door. There were voices in the hallway, and then Karlie’s doorbell rang.

She lowered the TV volume, listened for clues of who it may be, and checked the time. It was 9 o’clock, way too late for anyone who wasn’t a crazy stalker to be knocking at her door. Cautiously, she picked her glass of wine on the table and decided it was a good enough self-defense weapon, before looking through the peephole. It was not a crazy stalker, but it was Taylor Finlay, and Karlie didn’t know which she would have preferred.

Lowering the glass of wine, she opened the door to find the girl looking a lot different than Karlie was used to. Her curly ponytail was a mess, but she seemingly made an effort to tame her bangs. The casual dark clothes weren’t accompanied by dark make-up, her skin wasn’t glistening with exertion, and her perfume hit Karlie more forcefully now that the ambiance wasn’t filled with smoke and sweat.

“Hi,” Taylor was the first to speak since Karlie didn’t give off any signs of being awake. “You called earlier, and I couldn’t pick up, and I thought it would be okay to come here, and, honestly, I don’t know why the fuck I thought it would be okay so, I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me,” she rambled, looking flustered and a little angry – if it was at Karlie or herself, Karlie couldn’t tell – and turned to leave the corridor. Taylor looked back for an instant and muttered something about the gate to the building being open and how it was a threat to the residents’ safety but “I have nothing to do with it, so, bye,” and there she went again.

“No, Taylor! Hey, Taylor, wait!” Karlie spurred into motion when the girl was already five steps away. She almost dropped the glass but managed to grasp it when Taylor turned back to her. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

“Yeah, that much I’ve gathered,” Taylor answered with a chilly tone of voice.

“Do you always show up at a girl’s house in the middle of the night?”

“Only the ones I barely know.”

It was enough to break the tension, and Karlie found herself laughing with Taylor and asking her to come in. Make herself at home.

“Celebration?” Taylor asked, pointing at the glass on her hand and the open bottle of wine waiting on the center table. They sat down at each side of the couch, and Karlie decided against turning on the lights. She still had a headache, and the TV light was enough.

“Yeah, right,” she answered, sarcastically, but then remembered Taylor didn’t know anything about the wreck that was her life. “I just needed to relax a little.”

“Hard day at work…” the guitarist nodded comprehensively, then asked without looking up: “That’s why you called?”

“I don’t know why I called. Do you want some wine?”

“Sure.”

Karlie was already lifting herself from the couch to fetch another glass in the kitchen, but Taylor decided it was easier to just drink from the bottle, earning her an incredulous giggle from the other girl.

“Tell me about your day.”

What surprised Karlie wasn’t the request, per se. It was the fact that, somehow, Karlie knew it was born out of genuine curiosity, and it made her want to tell Taylor every single detail about the shitstorm over her head. She couldn’t, though. “I slept for, like, half an hour last night. And my boss is a bitch, and I know that’s totally anti-feminist, but I swear to you she is.”

Taylor laughed out loud at that. Karlie could swear she was on the verge of a heart attack for a fraction of a second.

“You don’t have to tell me that, Karlie. You know I know who Wendy Wolbert is.”

 _Of course, she does_.

“Why do you still work for her?” It seemed like a question Taylor had been meaning to ask for a while. “I mean, you’re a good writer, good enough to find another job that won’t suck your soul slowly.” She made some dramatic gestures to illustrate her dramatic figure of speech. It was adorable.

“How do you know I still have a soul?” Karlie wiggled her eyebrows at Taylor and the girl rolled her eyes again.

“I just know.” A shrug of her shoulders. “And I searched your name. I know you only write about music. I can respect that.”

Karlie’s heart dropped to her stomach at that, but she was good at ignoring these feelings. “So you searched my name…”

“As if you didn’t search mine.”

“Actually, I didn’t,” she smirked, thinking it would impress Taylor, but realized soon enough it came across as indifference. “I just… It felt like a betrayal. Searching your name. Learning about you from people who don’t know shit.”

Taylor looked up, a confused expression on her face, but her eyes… “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

***

They ended up hate-watching the teen drama Karlie had paused after Taylor arrived, both too fatigued to go through an emotional conversation – which surely was waiting for them right at the corner of every word. Somewhere between episodes 3 and 4, Taylor stretched her legs and they landed on Karlie’s lap. When episode 4 ended, Karlie’s right hand was resting unconsciously on Taylor’s ankle.

Every snarky remark Taylor made kept Karlie thinking about how bland her entertainment choices were before, without the constant sound of the other girl complaining about them.


	6. A writer, maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying! Comments and kudos motivate authors to keep writing, so tell me if you're liking the story <3

New York was just as stunning as always that afternoon, but Karlie had to wear a fluffy scarf to leave the office. The day was almost ending, and most people were returning home from their very busy jobs, to take care of their very busy family lives. Her day hadn’t been busy. She spent the eight office hours staring at the city she loved through the window, thinking about how much it would hurt to leave it. At that point, she had accepted that leaving the job was a possibility, but leaving a job sounds easy, she could get another. _Try leaving Wendy Wolbert._ She would become a journalism pariah the next second, and a NYC financial job in a gray fucking building would certainly suck out of her chest the will to stay alive. No, if she quit she’d leave the town.

As soon as Wendy left the office, Karlie grabbed her purse and scarf and left for Central Park. Of course, she wasn’t going there for the calm, for the sunset – she had already accepted New York for what it was, and it was a vibrant mess. Walking around the lake, making a beeline to avoid stumbling on children, it was all so nostalgic… Almost like a goodbye. And that was the thought made her stop in her tracks.

Coming to this big lonely city she dreamt about during her entire childhood was the single most brave thing she’d ever done in her life, and the one thing she couldn’t let go of. The one thing she loved so much it felt like an extension of herself. If not for the great office with glass walls, or the nice apartment in a nice neighborhood, she had to find a way through – or over – her damaged morality for New York.

It was almost impossible to find the line that would keep her from irreparably hurting a friend she just found by invading her life and sharing her secrets with a million readers, but Karlie needed to find it. She took out a pen and started taking notes on her hand. The plan she came up with after only twenty minutes was simple enough:

  1. Taylor couldn’t know about the article before November ends; she’d cut Karlie off immediately;
  2. Karlie would have to, inevitably, get closer to her if she wanted to write anything decent;
  3. The one thing that Karlie thought could save her soul from Hell, after all, was that the last step on this plan was letting Taylor read and review the article a couple of days before giving it to Wendy. If Taylor refused to do so, well… Karlie at least tried, so she could walk away with her ethical pride bruised, but not dead.



Some girl with her boyfriend laughed behind Karlie, taking her out of her introspection, and the sound of her laughter was eerily like… Taylor’s. It took a crazy amount of self-control to not let herself hesitate.

***

“Hi, I wasn’t expecting… you… here. Today.”

Karlie had exchanged a few texts with Taylor during the afternoon and found out the girl was home early that night. All the planning and practice took a toll on the band and Jesse decided that they needed a week off before the tour started if they wanted to survive the tour bus life for months. So Karlie searched her conversation with Jesse for Taylor’s Tribeca address and decided to surprise the girl with some takeaway. It didn’t turn out as great as she thought it would.

“Oh! Oh, I- I assumed…” Karlie stuttered, refusing to let the feeling of rejection sink in her heart. “I just thought I could do something nice for you since you cheered me up yesterday, but… I’m overstepping. I get it.”

“No, don’t say that. Look,” Taylor started, stepping onto the corridor and closing the apartment door behind her. “It’s nice of you to come here, and I did the same yesterday, so this is really hypocritical of me… but I…”

“It’s okay, Taylor. I get it. But, like, can you keep those? It's Italian. I’m not that hungry,” Karlie answered with a slightly pained smile, lifting the takeaway bags in front of her. Looking from the bags to those transparent eyes, Taylor sighed and rubbed her face, defeated. She opened the door and pushed it open with her back, making space for the girl to get in. Before she could protest, Taylor pulled her by the arm and closed the door again.

As soon as Karlie entered the apartment, Taylor’s hesitance was explained. Instead of the tastefully furnished place she saw a few days ago, there was a mess of cardboard boxes and cat toys.

“I’m moving. I didn’t want anyone to know because… well, I don’t know, I guess I’m a little paranoid,” Taylor supplied. Karlie tried to ignore the voice in her head saying the girl had a very good reason to be paranoid about her. “Do you have plastic cutlery? I don’t think I remember in which box I stored mine…”

“Yeah, I think so,” Karlie answered, sitting down on the wooden floor and opening the bags. Taylor sat down by her side, leaning on one of the boxes, and the domesticity of it all pulled at something inside Karlie's chest. “You’re… leaving New York?” For some reason, the thought was terrifying and almost caused a change of perspective. _Maybe if she is, I can just… No. NO._

“Of course not. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. No, I’m moving into another apartment.”

They ate in silence for a while, before Karlie remembered she had a job to do. She was about to open her mouth and ask something about the rumors surrounding Taylor when she lifted her eyes and found piercing blue ones staring at her in a way that made her feel exposed. “What?”

“Nothing… You just seem worried about something,” she answered while lifting a forkful of spaghetti to her lips. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to keep it for yourself.”

Karlie considered her words for a few moments. It wouldn’t do to deny and try to change the subject. Taylor wouldn’t be open with her if she didn’t open up first.

“Today I thought about leaving New York. Quitting my job, packing my bags and going home until I figured out what to do with my life. It was a silly idea, but it just gets so… lonely and confusing here.”

“You wouldn’t be going home if you left New York, Karlie. Never consider it again,” Taylor said, reaching forward to lay a hand on her forearm. Karlie’s heart fluttered a little higher than it should and almost reached her throat. “But I get what you’re saying… about loneliness.”

_There she goes._

“Don’t you have a boyfriend? Or… a girlfriend?”

It came across as flirty, and even though she tried to convince herself it was just like an interview, Karlie couldn’t help but blush. Taylor had a grin on her face when she removed her hand from the other girl’s arm that didn’t help with that matter. “I don’t. And if I had, I don’t think my love life would survive the tour bus.”

“I don’t know… I think it’d be exhilarating, traveling with you.”

“Who would want to drop everything and come with me on tour? I mean, people do have jobs.” She rolled her eyes and abandoned the empty food carton next to her legs.

“A writer, maybe,” Karlie answered without thinking and then realized exactly what she had just said. She refused to lift her eyes from the almost empty carton on her lap after that. “I mean, writers can benefit from constant traveling, meeting new people.”

“Would you? I mean… benefit from constant traveling.”

At least Taylor had the decency of being just as nervous, so Karlie tried to find some courage in herself to stop avoiding her stare.

“Probably. Writing had never been a challenge for me before last week. I think I need inspiration.” _And I’ve been looking for it in you_ , she didn’t add. _But I already fucked it up_.

Taylor opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself and stayed silent for a while before murmuring “I hope you find it” with little enthusiasm. It would’ve made Karlie worried that she said something wrong if she weren’t suddenly distracted by how soft Taylor’s lips looked when she was half-pouting out of frustration. She had to fight the urge to feel them with the tips of her fingers.

It was only when Taylor’s eyes dropped too that Karlie noticed she’d been staring. There was a knot so tight, deep in her stomach, and it was only tightening with every second the other girl spent looking at her like… that. The thing Karlie was having a hard time accepting and didn’t want to look at for the past days, right there, laid out in front of her eyes and burning in her chest. But it wasn’t long before Taylor’s eyes were distant again and Karlie was left wondering if she had been imagining everything.

“Do you wanna run away with me?” Karlie spluttered, without thinking at all, and suddenly her jacket was just too much clothing for how hot her skin felt. Taylor gasped next to her, looking just as surprised. “Fuck, I- I didn’t mean it the way I said it. I just think that it wouldn’t hurt if we went away for a week, before your next New York date. I don’t know, maybe California. A road trip to the beach. Or whatever. Anything. I-”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“I said yes.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know.”

They held each other’s serious gazes for a while, but Karlie couldn’t tell if five seconds or five minutes passed before they started smiling.

***

It was only an hour later, when Karlie was opening the door to her apartment, that she thought about her job again.


	7. Over the counter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again! I decided I'd post every Friday or Saturday, depending on how the week goes, so here's this week's chapter (not Big Sur yet, but we're almost there). I hope you like it!

By the time Karlie sat down on her bed with a cup of tea for comfort, she had already been through every emotion in the book. Something about the white lights in her bathroom and her reflection in the mirror grounded her stray thoughts and brought her back to some sort of resignation. So Karlie grabbed pen and paper, let her body sink to the wooden floor, and reluctantly searched Taylor’s name. She swallowed dryly at the confirmation that the girl she was falling for was her research subject.

The results were innocent enough at first. Reviews of The Leopard’s last album, articles from journalists that worked with Karlie before and were mainly interested in the indie phenomena born in Jesse’s apartment years ago. It was only a few pages in that Karlie realized there was something else lurking around Taylor’s persona, and it wasn’t silly satanic panic like she predicted: multiple pages dedicated to interpreting lyrics and tying them to various men in the music industry (when they weren't trying to prove Jesse was the genius behind the songs), timelines of her dating life that always came to a sudden halt at the beginning of 2019, the drama surrounding her relationship with her brother, and the gay rumors buried under a pile of pictures of Taylor and Desmond Styles.

Of course, Karlie was aware of how the media outlets treated women, but it seemed like with Taylor they were always taking it a step too far. She was body-shamed frequently, her love life dissected in every possible magazine, the gay rumors popping up like mean jokes, fake quotes from Austin calling her a bitch – when Karlie knew very well that would never happen. She also supposedly held grudges with half the people Karlie saw partying in her house, including Mandy Gomez, declared Taylor’s main nemesis by TMZ. It felt like watching an alternate universe, one where Taylor was a completely different person.

Karlie didn’t expect to feel protective, but it was burning through her as she started drafting her article, writing down all the lies she wanted to erase from Taylor’s reputation, all the rumors she knew had no foundation, and all the mean comments she felt the bitter need to answer. It wasn’t going to be the article Wendy was hoping for, but then again, she should’ve chosen someone else to write it.

***

It was 9 a.m. when Taylor entered the pastry shop, eyes searching for her friend and softening when they fell over Karlie’s big signature grin. The girl stood up without thinking and greeted her with a hug, wrapping her arms loosely around Taylor’s shoulders and holding back laughter when she felt the tentativeness of Taylor’s hands on her back. Karlie couldn’t help but notice how her coat smelled like apples and pretzels. For the first time that year, she cared about the fact that they were entering the Fall season.

“You’re happier today,” Taylor stated as a fact instead of asking. “I’m guessing that means we’re keeping our plans…?”

“Oh, definitely keeping our plans.”

Karlie’s grin didn’t slip for a second.

“You wanted to get away from your boss that bad, huh?” Taylor asked with an amused frown before the waitress, a pretty brunette in a pink apron and menus in hand, approached their table. While Taylor asked for coffee and waffles, Karlie decided she felt like a cup of tea and apple pie.

“You can’t blame me for wanting to get rid of Wendy.”

“Shame… I thought you just wanted my adorable companionship.”

“That too, but I can’t go around sharing my secrets, can I?”

“I certainly hope you can’t.” There was a tinge of sadness on Taylor’s voice that Karlie decided was best to ignore.

“I was thinking and… why don’t we go today? Why wait for tomorrow?”

Taylor looked like someone just told her the Earth was flat, annoyed and incredulous, and scoffed at the suggestion. She started taking off her long coat, probably so she could have time to think through all the arguments against Karlie’s absurd idea. Her long fingers fighting against the pearly buttons on the coat distracted Karlie for a few seconds. “We’re already taking a risk planning a road trip in less than two days, less than twenty-four hours is impossible. My publicist won’t be able to come with us today, either, so there’s that, and we shouldn’t drive late at night. Too risky. Also-”

“Are you always like that?”

“Like what?”

“I mean… you could just let go a little. It’s a spontaneous thing and you’re already stressing out.”

The waitress brought their orders and slipped away from their table as soon as she noticed there was an uncomfortable tension growing between them. They were still staring at each other when Taylor cleared her throat and stared at some point behind Karlie’s head. “Have you looked around since I arrived?”

Karlie didn’t understand the question and frowned, turning her head to look behind her, through the glass windows separating them from Greenwich Avenue. There were three cameras pointed directly at them, and one of the men behind them waved at Karlie, pointing at his forced grin as a sign for her to smile at them. She didn’t.

“How do you expect me to be spontaneous? That shit won’t go away, Karlie, look for spontaneous elsewhere.” Taylor’s bitterness was probably dripping over her waffles – she didn’t seem satisfied after taking a bite. Karlie still hadn’t touched her food when she stood up.

“Taylor, get up.”

“What?”

“Just get up and come here.”

After a confused Taylor moved to Karlie’s side of the table, Karlie went to sit down where the girl was before, facing the window. Finally, understanding hit her and she sat down too and watched in awe as Karlie moved their plates and cups around the table. “Problem solved. What were you saying?”

“You’re telling me it doesn’t bother you?”

“It bothers me that they make you afraid of doing what you want, but that’s about it.”

Taylor sighed and rolled her eyes.

“I have a feeling you’re a PR scandal waiting to happen,” Taylor murmured and stuffed her mouth with waffle and maple while Karlie laughed at her exasperation.

After that, they ate in silence. Karlie was holding back a thousand questions that were dancing at the forefront of her consciousness since her stupid research the day before.

“What are you thinking about? You can tell me.”

“Are you a mind-reader? It’s getting creepy, just saying.”

“No, Karlie, you’re just transparent,” Taylor answered with a smile dancing on her sugared lips. “I like that.”

“So… are we hitting the road today?”

A pause. Taylor sighed.

“Only if you do me a favor.”

“Anything. Just say it.”

Her hands were fiddling with a napkin for a while before she sighed and lifted her eyes to meet Karlie’s.

“Austin’s been insisting that I meet him and his new girlfriend for dinner for ages, but his girlfriends are always unbearable.” She was pulling a face now, laughing through the discomfort. “She’s in town today and maybe if you were there it wouldn’t be as bad as last time.”

“How bad was last time?” Karlie was trying hard not to laugh.

“I made her sign an NDA and almost threw her out of my house after she complained about my cat for half an hour. Not to mention the disaster when she insisted on helping me cook.”

“Here I thought you were an amazing hostess.”

“I usually am, but there’s something about the girls Austin shows up with that honestly…”

“Ok, I’ll be your date,” Karlie answered, smug grin in place while she leaned back on her seat. “And _then_ we’ll hit the road and watch the pretty New York lights disappearing on the rearview mirror. You’ll thank me.”

“Deal.”

***

It was amusing to watch the flurry of pragmatic movements destroying the kitchen and putting it back together again. Austin’s entire apartment smelled of curry, and Taylor had a gray apron protecting her black dress from the orange cream in the pots. Karlie had an apron too but gave up keeping up with Taylor after ten minutes – now she just watched as the girl hurriedly mixed spices and sliced tofu in tiny cubes. Meredith, the cat that was probably the most important family member, had already given up too: she disappeared in the second-floor minutes after sweeping her furry tail on Karlie's leg and refusing to be petted. Taylor laughed and whispered an almost inaudible "she likes you", which was confusing as well as satisfying. Most of all, Karlie was thrilled because bringing Meredith to her brother's apartment meant she was serious about taking the road as soon as dinner was over.

Austin had left the apartment keys with his sister since she insisted on cooking for them. “Good curry and white wine are the only way to impress most people,” she told Karlie with a serious face as she put the wine on ice and gave the girl an appreciative once-over. It took Karlie more time than usual to get dressed to dinner, and she ended up with a white silk shirt and high-waisted dark jeans, an outfit she’d seen Taylor pull off a hundred times before.

“Will they take long?”

“I don’t think so. Austin told me she lived near so they’re probably on the way. Pass me the salt, please.”

But Taylor was already turning and reaching for it, so it was inevitable that they bumped into each other as Karlie lowered herself from where she was sitting on the counter. They laughed as Taylor tried to balance the spoon and the salt bottle in her hands without smearing curry all over her arm. There was something different about her that night, and Karlie risked assuming it was shyness. Was she making Taylor Finlay shy?

“God, I’m so clumsy,” Taylor said, sighing and rolling her eyes as she turned back to the stove. Before she could finish the movement, Karlie let her fingers wrap around the smooth wrist under her hand.

“I know you’re not clumsy, Taylor… Are you nervous?” If Karlie lowered her voice just a little at the question, she wouldn’t admit to it.

“I’m not,” Taylor answered with little certainty as it dawned on her how close Karlie’s face was, a hand still touching Taylor’s arm. Karlie swallowed dryly, a sharp contrast with the puffs of warm air leaving the other girl’s lips and caressing the sensitive skin on her neck. “Maybe we should start with the wine.”

“Yes, please.”

Even though their eyes searched for the bucket of ice placed over the countertop, they didn’t move. Karlie’s hand on Taylor's wrist moved upwards and she let her fingers run lightly over skin, wondering if that was messing with Taylor’s head just as much as it was messing with hers. There was a sharp intake of breath as her hand approached the delicate strap on the girl’s shoulder, and the doorbell rang.

Taylor jumped backward, suddenly reminded of what she was doing before… well, before. Without risking a glance at Karlie, who was still pressed against the counter with glazed eyes, she cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Can you get the door? I can’t leave the stove.”

“Sure. I’ll just- Yeah, ok.” Karlie shook her head and bit back nervous laughter that threatened to escape as soon as she turned around.

***

Her mind was still numb when she took off her apron, opened the living room door, and was met with a big, nervous smile. Austin’s smile didn’t falter when he found Karlie in place of his sister – instead, there was a glint to his eyes that the girl wasn’t used to seeing. Despite Taylor’s continuous use of feminine pronouns in referring to Austin’s partner, Karlie couldn’t pretend to be surprised when a petite blonde boy followed him to the living room and presented himself as Tom. It had been a while since the last time she was surprised by someone not being heterosexual, and that was when she managed to surprise herself.

“I’m Karlie. Nice to meet you too, Tom.”

“Austin didn’t tell me his sister had a girlfriend. I’m more relaxed now, to be honest.” He laughed nervously, but his shoulders weren’t as tense as they’d been seconds before. Karlie almost didn’t register what he implied while her mind started connecting the dots, looking at Austin, Tom, their joined hands, and the apartment decoration. There was very little in Austin that screamed lavender jars and purple curtains, but Tom’s burgundy button front and refined manners somehow matched the inner decoration. Karlie wondered if they decorated the place together, they probably did.

“I didn’t know she had a girlfriend either,” Austin answered, looking pointedly at Karlie with a questioning frown, and bringing her out of her reverie.

“Ah! No, I’m just her friend." Her voice came out slightly strangled, forcing out words she hadn't even thought about. "But I’m pretty sure you have nothing to be worried about, Tom. I’ll just go and… help her, in the kitchen.”

Trying not to seem like she was running away from the family chit-chatter and the implications about her sexuality while she was essentially outnumbered, Karlie hurried her steps and entered the kitchen. Since she was expecting an energetic Taylor running around with a pink rubber spoon, it took her a few seconds to realize that the other girl was wide-eyed and gripping the countertop edge with white knuckles. “Close the door.”

Karlie obeyed without disposing of a second to think about the request. Taylor took a deep breath and poured the curry on a serving bowl before sipping on the glass of wine she had helped herself to when Karlie left the kitchen.

“He’s with a boy, isn’t he?” She asked, looking so uncomfortable that for a few seconds Karlie wondered if she read the other girl all wrong. Taylor never struck her as a homophobe; in fact, Karlie was pretty sure they’d been flirting for some time now and that was very much not a heterosexual course of action. _So why…?_ “Karlie, you’ll need to sign an NDA.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I need you to sign it so you’re not allowed to discuss my private life in public, specially… family matters.” She looked up at Karlie apologetically before downing what was left on her glass and assuming a tense stance that could only be read as her business posture. “I’m sorry.”

“But why now?”

“If I heard correctly, there are two men in the living room when I was expecting my brother to introduce me to his girlfriend, so… you probably gathered that much. He’s coming out to me. To us.” Taylor’s languid steps took her closer to Karlie. She had her cellphone in hands now and was half staring at the girl in front of her, half following her own nimble fingers moving across the keyboard. “So, I don’t know what he’ll decide, what’s his plan of action, but I need to make sure no one else is gonna take that away from him. I’m sure you can understand that.” She glanced at Karlie with a meaningful look, and a small part of Karlie’s mind reflected on the fact that Taylor was right. She could understand, she could relate to the situation, and it was completely understandable that Taylor wanted to protect her brother.

But, and there's always a but.

She couldn’t sign an NDA. Karlie was pretty sure any document Taylor slipped her way wouldn’t limit itself to a “not gossiping about Austin’s sexuality” paragraph. It would probably contain several generalized clauses about keeping her mouth shut and never touching Taylor’s name to say anything that wasn’t already public knowledge. It took her less than three full seconds to realize she had a mess to fix, she just had no idea as to how.

“I understand, I do, but I think we should have dinner first. They’re waiting for us and we can talk about that in the car afterward, right?” Karlie lifted her hands to tentatively hold Taylor’s arms and noticed with relief that her expression softened. There was distant laughter coming from behind the door.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“No, of course not.”

Karlie wrapped her arms around the girl, knowing just how much trust had been deposited in her, and realizing the line was only drawn in front of her feet when said trust put Taylor’s family in risk – and for that, she couldn’t feel more grateful. But with Taylor’s hot breath on her collarbones and her warm hands snaking around her waist, came a blazing feeling Karlie thought would be kept at bay for longer.

Guilt.

“Let’s eat, I’m starving.”


	8. No proof, one touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Road trip time! I've always loved the spontaneity of unplanned road trips, so here we go. Hope you enjoy it.

The New York lights in the rearview mirror were prettier than Karlie had anticipated. It had been almost two years since she found herself behind the wheel for the last time, but it felt right, with Taylor’s face pressed against her shoulder and a delicate guitarist hand almost touching her leg. “Please get me some coffee,” Taylor slurred against her shirt, not for the first time since they got into the car, and Karlie tried not to smile as she found herself on a McDonalds’ drive-thru.

Dinner went well enough, with Taylor and Tom bonding over 80s music and Cats (the musical), while Karlie watched them with amusement and sometimes let out confused remarks that made Taylor throw her head back laughing. Austin seemed just as confused as Karlie, but not for the same reasons.

“There you go,” Karlie whispered, placing the hot cup of espresso in front of Taylor’s face, waiting for her to wake up to the harsh scent.

“You’re an angel, I swear,” the other girl said while opening her eyes and practically patting her way around the cup like a blind cat.

“Coffee at midnight, that’s a new low even for us.”

“Can you drive, though? Aren’t you too tired? I didn’t anticipate Tom being… nice. And keeping us for so long.” Taylor straightened herself and started blowing on the edge of her cup.

“I can, don’t worry. And uh… you didn’t anticipate Tom, point-blank. Let’s be honest,” Karlie answered, a playful smile on her lips as Taylor shifted with discomfort.

“It’s not my fault Austin deliberately deceived me. He told me he had a girlfriend. He didn’t even trick me with _lover_ or _partner_ , he said ‘girlfriend’, the asshole.”

“You’d see through him using the word _partner_ immediately, Taylor. The poor boy would’ve had to come out via text.”

“I mean, yes. But still.”

Silence fell over them as Karlie exited the drive-thru and took a turn to hit the road. The _talk_ was hanging over their heads and she still didn’t know what to do about it. Her heart was clenching in a way that told her she was ready to do whatever Taylor asked her to.

“So… you want me to sign an NDA,” Karlie stated with her eyes on the asphalt, everything but the girl beside her threatening to slip into the darkness.

“Yes. Does that bother you?”

Suddenly, Taylor’s posture was straight and rigid, so different from the pliant warm bundle of limbs pressed against Karlie’s side minutes before.

“I’m not gonna lie. It does, even though I understand where you’re coming from.” The slice of silence that followed lasted for a minute, but it was deafening. “Does everyone in your life sign one of these?”

“Yes.” Taylor seemed nervous.

“You can’t actually trust me if I’m under a legal threat to be loyal, can you?” Karlie smiled weakly in Taylor’s direction but didn’t meet her eyes. Instead of burying her face on Karlie’s shoulder like before, the girl pressed her head against the chilly window and remained silent for half an hour before her drowsiness caught up to her despite the caffeine. Karlie was left wondering what that lack of response meant.

***

It didn’t take more than four hours for them to realize that traveling at night wasn’t the greatest idea Karlie’s ever had, nor was embarking on a road trip with a week to spare. Instead of being rightfully pissed off by that, Taylor seemed thrilled at the idea of throwing herself on a less than luxurious bed in a two-stars roadside hotel. She texted her security team, warning them they’d be calling it quits for the night.

_“There are beaches near New York, Karlie, why are you so set on Big Sur? It’s like, two days away, we’ll have to give up and get on a plane eventually.” Taylor had said over dinner two days before, frowning at the Google Maps app._

_“Non-negotiable. We’re going to Big Sur, and it’s not a road trip if we cheat like that.”_

“Not gonna tell me ‘you said so’?” Karlie asked, yawning, as she pulled up the car in a practically empty parking lot. As they examined the building before them, it became more evident how misplaced Taylor’s excitement was. It was cute, though, how she didn’t point out Karlie’s nonsense when it was evident. This reminded Karlie of her family vacations when her mother was always being swept away by her father’s stupid adventure ideas even when they were inherently flawed – which always made them laugh over dinner.

“You drove for almost four hours straight after midnight, it’s more than I’d ever manage alone,” she answered and jumped out of the car to stretch her lean frame. “Wow. Last time I’ve been to one of these I didn’t have security guards breathing on my neck.”

“Let’s pretend they don’t exist for tonight.”

***

They were both so tired, the check-in was almost a blur. A few moments after Karlie parked, they already had their greasy hotel keys in hands and Karlie was trying not to laugh at Jason, one of the security guards, threatening the front desk assistant with legal consequences if she leaked Taylor’s room number.

Taylor was rummaging her purse looking for something and sighed in frustration when she didn’t find it. “Shit, all the snacks are in your backpack. Is it still in the car?”

“Jason insisted he’d bring it up as soon as everything was okay at the front desk. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, but it can wait until breakfast.” She shrugged.

“No way. Just wait in my room for a bit, I’m starting to get hungry too.”

Taylor sighed and moved to Karlie’s side as she opened the door. As soon as the lights were on, they’d agree that there was something cozy about the room’s tacky decoration, the beige sheets that were probably white a long time ago. It was disgusting, but also made them feel out of control. Something shifted when Taylor stepped inside and threw herself over one of the single beds, sneezing instantly at the cloud of dust. “We could do worse.”

“If you don’t look at the stains too closely, maybe,” Karlie answered, smiling as she threw herself beside Taylor. They sunk into the frayed mattress for a few seconds and Karlie wondered if the other girl was dozing off, but when she looked at Taylor her eyes were glued to the ceiling, lost in thoughts. Her eye makeup smeared around the corners and all the lipstick was gone, probably transferred to the plastic cup lost somewhere in Taylor’s car. Her long hair was splayed on the bed linen around her head like a halo, and some of it was caught on the buttons of her coat or under her turtleneck. Without even realizing, Karlie flipped her body to face Taylor’s and let her left-hand wander to where blonde hair tangled around plastic and fabric.

“What are you- Oh. Thanks,” Taylor breathed out as she watched Karlie’s fingers working over her chest and moving to the side of her neck. Something as small as that made it pretty clear to Karlie what exactly was the shift in the air: something about being in a place like that, where nothing really important happens, where ordinary people spend the night and leave before 9 a.m., makes it difficult to remember some things. Things like why you shouldn’t be hovering over a friend, getting impossibly closer as something in her eyes pulls you in and makes you forget what it was that your hands were doing. Or why you shouldn’t be breaking eye contact just for a fraction of second, after you somehow felt her shivering under your weight, to observe the goosebumps on her neck where your breath meets pale skin.

Karlie swallowed dryly as Taylor almost bumped their heads in her hurry to lift herself from the bed. She felt her cheeks burning, without looking up, as Taylor’s hectic steps and rummaging through a purse filled the room with agitated sounds and buzzing energy. Someone knocked on the door in a weird rhythm and Karlie let herself take a deep breath, the third-party presence bringing her back from whatever trance she’d been in before.

“I’ll answer. It’s Jason.”

Before she could even get up, Taylor was already flying to the door, thanking Jason and throwing the backpack over the bed next to Karlie. Without a word, they poured the bag’s contents and sighed with satisfaction at the exaggerated amount of Hershey’s bars and bags of chips Taylor had filled Karlie’s backpack with hours ago. They decided to ignore the silver flask glistening next to the snacks.

“What?” Karlie asked, a funny look on her face. Only then Taylor noticed she’d been staring.

“If I tell you something will you laugh at me?”

Karlie moved the noisy wrappers to the edge of the bed and slid to Taylor’s side at that question. They weren’t anywhere as close as they’d been before, but their clothed shoulders brushed as Karlie unwrapped her chocolate bar and it was almost enough to make the other girl swallow her words.

“It’s like everything’s been happening in slow motion ever since we met.” It was barely a whisper.

“I know, I feel like that too.”

They didn’t have to look at each other to know they were both smiling. A few minutes were spent like that before Taylor broke the silence again, her voice faltering just enough to betray her anxiety and the fact that she wasn’t smiling anymore.

“I hate to be this person, but I texted my publicist. She is gonna catch up with us in 3 days… and she’ll have an NDA for you to sign.”

Karlie nodded curtly and started moving to the edge of the bed, unconsciously putting distance between her and the reason for the knot on her throat. She didn’t know how to fill the silence that followed, so she simply let it wash over them, tasting like unnecessary drama. A drama that could be easily avoided, if only she were brave enough to sign away her dream job.

“Is it gonna change things… with us?” Taylor asked in a pained voice that almost threw Karlie off-balance. This entire conversation was just _wrong_. Did Taylor feel like she was the one making a mistake, asking for too much? _If only she knew…_ “Look, it’s just how things have been for me lately. Everyone is a threat, everyone is after me for some reason, and I got to keep my eyes open around everyone. I don’t wanna keep my eyes open around you. I wanna…”

There were packs of chips flying to the floor while Taylor moved closer to Karlie, not giving a fuck about the noise of aluminum hitting the carpet. Before she could even process their proximity, Karlie felt Taylor’s hand on her face, forcing her to turn her head and face the other girl. Ocean blue eyes bore into Karlie’s before dropping to her mouth, and an electric shiver crossed her body with such sudden force she had to close her eyes. Taylor’s hand, touching her cheekbone so lightly it could’ve been a feather, felt like a burning pressure.

Karlie understood what Taylor meant by not wanting to keep her eyes open. It felt impossible to do so.

“So why don’t you just close them?”

“How? I barely know you.”

Opening her eyes, Karlie was surprised to find Taylor with hers closed. Lips parted, hair mussed, looking as vulnerable as Karlie had ever seen her.

“It’s not about Austin, Taylor. What secret are you _really_ trying to protect?” She was surprised to hear her own voice so low in the silent hotel room. It was easy to let Taylor’s warm breath pull her in and whisper next to her ear. “Whatever you’re feeling, I feel it too. What do you think is left to hide?” Grazing her lips against Taylor’s jaw, she couldn’t stop herself from grinning. “You can open your eyes now.”

Taylor stumbled backward, blue eyes wide again, pupils dilated, and cheeks flushed red. Karlie couldn’t tell if it was lust or the embarrassment of being caught, but the other girl was already patting her pockets in search of her keys.

“Good night, Karlie.”

For the second time that night, there was no clear answer. She watched as Taylor left the room in a hurry, wondering how she’d survive one more night of sneaking into cheap hotels with the most confusing girl she’d ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH, I was really insecure about this chapter and rewrote it like 4983948 times but I'm still not sure about it. I think I probably should focus more on Taylor's development, so it'll be less confusing. Feel free to share your thoughts. <3


	9. A lot

It was useless trying to fall asleep that night. Even though winter was already crawling its way around October’s weather, it was 7 a.m. and Karlie felt suffocated, her skin clinging to the sheets and strands of warm hair heating the back of her neck. She was lost in a slumber between hazy dreams and the world of the living when a loud bang and a hushed curse pulled her the rest of the way into reality.

The room immediately next to hers was Taylor’s, so the noise had to be her, already awake at what the girl would deem a “ridiculous hour”. Thoughts of Taylor – flushed and insomniac, tangled in the sheets, not being able to sleep – in the next room were enough to drag Karlie to a cold shower, finally giving up in the failed mission of having a good night’s sleep. She was already well awake, wrapped in a towel, and enjoying the feeling of morning breeze on her damp legs, the wind making the curtains float around the room, when she heard the knock on the door.

“Just a minute!”, she said, going around the room after a change of clothes. Another impatient knock on the door and she saw Taylor’s head peeking around the curtains through the open window for a fraction of a second, only to retreat, startled and blushing. Karlie tried to contain a smug grin as she pulled a tank top over her head and grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair.

When she opened the door, Taylor was wrapped in a long overcoat, curly hair falling in a barely tamed mess over her hunched shoulders, eyes refusing to meet Karlie’s.

“Good morning to you, too. In a hurry?” Karlie teased, only to realize her tentative good humor was wasted on Taylor, who was clearly forcing herself to smile in a way that seemed almost painful.

“Jesse texted me yesterday. There’s a brunch party thing in Chicago with the label’s chairmen that he was supposed to attend, but since we’re already halfway there and he’d be flying from Dallas I volunteered myself.” She didn’t seem happy with the idea, and Karlie wondered if she volunteered herself or if Jesse threw his responsibility on her lap.

“Yeah, no problem. Let me just finish packing my clothes.”

“No, I’m going by myself,” Taylor said before Karlie could turn back to the room. “You can take your time. Jason will drive you to Chicago.”

“Nonsense. I’m going with you. It can’t be _that_ bad.”

“It’s business, you’ll be bored.” The insistence in her voice made Karlie frown.

“I’ll be bored in this hotel room anyway. I’d rather be bored with you.”

She could see Taylor’s chest rising and falling as she took a deep breath, frustration flowing out of her in waves, but she only nodded without looking at Karlie. Taylor was turning to leave with a hushed “we’ll be taking the road in 5 minutes” when Karlie surged forward and wrapped a cold hand around her wrist.

“Hey, are we ok? Yesterday, if I crossed a line, I’m so, so sorry, I-”

“It’s fine.” Taylor’s face softened, but she still didn’t meet Karlie’s eyes. She cleared her throat and started walking toward the car. “Wear that green dress. It matches your eyes.”

***

Taylor was already on the driver’s side when Karlie arrived at the parking lot. Without a word, they turned on the radio and hummed along to 80s hits for the first hour. The overcoat over Taylor’s thin frame had fallen to her elbows, and Karlie watched, enraptured in a Fall haze, as the sun kissed the singer’s bare shoulders, not even noticing her own motion to brush a strand of hair from the girl’s collarbone. Pulling her hand away, she watched for a reaction as Taylor kept her eyes studiously fixed on the road.

“I had a completely different image of you before we met,” Karlie murmured casually when the music started to feel too overwhelming and they had to turn off the radio.

“Yeah?”

“I mean, you _are_ a rock star, and you do throw a lot of parties. And you’re friends with Jesse, who’s always either drunk or high…”

Taylor scoffed and directed a mocking glare at Karlie, her chuckle was a low sound filling the car. “Disappointed that I’m not addicted to cocaine? We can still change that, no problem.”

“It’s not that, idiot. It’s just that you have that aura like you’re hiding something illegal, but fun. Like everyone else is missing out on something,” Karlie mused out loud, her tired mind deciding not to process the words that fall out of her lips.

“It’s called marketing, I guess.” Taylor shrugged.

“No, it’s not the band. It’s you. Sometimes I still look at you and wonder…”

“Wonder…?”

“Don’t make fun of me, but I wonder who you are… Because I’ve seen too many versions of you walking around.” She glanced at Taylor, who had a frown on her beautiful features as she grasped the wheel. “The smug version of you who walks onto the stage like a heartbreaker, or the version of you who almost kicked me out of your house because I dared to take a book from the shelf, and the version that showed up at my front door unannounced and… vulnerable. I can’t fit them all together.”

A pause. Karlie sighed and rubbed the back of her hand on her face, trying to bat away the pang of regret for having just said that.

“I get it. I’m a lot.” Taylor risked a sad smile at Karlie before focusing on the road again. “I’m not easy to deal with, it’s only natural that you’re frustrated.”

“No, that’s not at all what I said.” Karlie’s eyes widened. She turned to Taylor and rested her hand on her friend’s forearm. “I’m not frustrated, and there’s nothing wrong with you. I’m just curious… maybe a little too much.”

She didn’t miss the way Taylor’s lips curled in a shy, barely there, smile, but this time it reached her eyes. “Ask me a question.”

Karlie was surprised by the sudden permission and stared out the window at the scarce traffic and green scenery, trying to push down the instinct to make a professional question, to do her job, to _get material_. Realizing it was, indeed, a professional opportunity, a bitter taste climbed up her throat. “I’ll save that offer for another time.”

***

When Taylor said “brunch party _thing_ ”, Karlie imagined a casual lunch with important men in expensive suits, a bunch of forgettable faces, and tiny food. She was right about the tiny food, but, as they crossed the country club gates and outlined the gardens while Taylor looked for a parking spot, it became more and more evident that she underestimated the “party” bit in the sentence.

“Is that the guy from Star Wars? Talking to Dua Lipa? I thought this was just a business meeting!”

“Oh, c’mon, Karlie. I know you’re too used to these events to be starstruck.”

“I just feel underdressed, now,” Karlie grumbled, but, before Taylor could answer, she spotted another actress across the garden. “Is that Dianna Elise? Why are there so many actors here?”

“ _Dianna is here?_ ” Taylor’s voice came out high-pitched and her knuckles went white with the force she was applying on the steering wheel. “Hm, I guess… Martin must be expanding his business field. Rumor has it the music industry is dying, anyway.” She rushed to answer, changing the subject. Karlie made a non-committal noise, but her brain had already caught up to the exaggerated reaction.

As soon as they got out of the car, Margaritas and Bloody Marys were already being pushed in their hands. Karlie took a careful sip of her drink, but, when she turned to look at Taylor, realized the other girl wasn’t being as careful. She had a Martini in one hand, downing it in one go, and the other hand on the waiter’s forearm, holding him still so she could return the glass to the silver platter and grab a refill.

“Hey, are you ok?” Karlie asked, nudging Taylor’s arm as they crossed the parking lot and the party noises, laughter and glasses tinkling, started solidifying.

“I’m perfectly fine. I just need to numb myself a little to endure these assholes.” Taylor winked at her, a fake smile plastered to her face – _when have I started being able to tell if her smiles are genuine?_

“They can’t be so bad.”

“No one gets to be a billionaire by being ‘not so bad’, I can guarantee you,” Taylor muttered, distractedly, but Karlie could see it wasn’t the perspective of talking to the mysterious, annoying _Martin_ that was making her nervous.

“Taylor, what are you-”

Her question was interrupted by a sigh of exasperation. Following Taylor’s gaze, Karlie’s eyes found the same blonde blur in a blue dress and radiant smile making their way across to them.

“Are you friends?”

“No. This’ll be awkward, I’m so sorry.” Taylor’s tone was apologetic, but her face was frozen in a euphoric expression as Dianna rushed to their side and planted a brief kiss on Taylor’s cheek. “Di! Oh, my God! It’s been ages!”

“I know, right? It’s been so long, it’s almost like you’re avoiding me!”

Taylor’s smile faltered for the briefest of moments. She was right, _it was awkward_.

“Of course not. It’s just that I’ve been busy with the tour arrangements, and I barely made it here today. Jesse was supposed to come in my place, but I’m glad I could come. Oh, and,” Taylor started, pulling Karlie closer by the elbow, her soft hand circling Karlie’s forearm so suddenly it almost made her jump. “This is Karlie Fares. She’s keeping me company today. You know how these parties can get.”

“Of course.” Dianna’s eyes traveled to where Taylor’s fingers pressed on Karlie’s arm, the bland smile never leaving her face. “Nice to meet you, Karlie.” She extended her hand to Karlie, who tried not to wince at the formality and flinch with how forcefully Dianna proceeded to shake hers. “Are you a model?”

Even though it sounded like a compliment, there was a hidden bitterness on the remark that stopped Karlie from blushing under the attention. “Thank you, but no. Not even close. I’m a writer and journalist.”

“A journalist? Well, _that’s_ interesting.” Dianna seemed amused, eyeing Taylor with curiosity. She was about to say something, but aborted mission before it was out of her mouth, and instead took a sip of her Bloody Mary. “We’ll catch up later. Good luck with Martin.”

Karlie could feel Taylor’s body, tense like a bow’s string next to her, finally relaxing a little. She already had another drink on her hand. “Later.”

***

Taylor had disappeared in the club after a few minutes, and Karlie was left to cave to the pull of alcohol. She decided it was futile trying to fit in with the crowd of celebrities, and resorted to press her back against the wall with a drink and her cellphone and watch the interactions, occasionally listen to some gossip, and try to ignore the burning on her face every time she caught Dianna staring.

At this point, she had already put the puzzle pieces together. No one downs a Martini at the sight of an old friend, and Karlie wasn’t dumb enough to not see Dianna’s jealousy for what it was. Even though the death glares she was receiving were extremely uncomfortable, it was when they ceased that Karlie got worried. Taylor still hadn’t returned, and now Dianna too was nowhere to be found. Great.

Bored and irritated, Karlie made her way into a group of women laughing loudly next to the door, introducing herself informally. The conversation didn’t cease for a second, but the easy flow of banalities didn’t do a thing to distract her from the impulse of scanning the room.

“You’re Finlay’s plus-one, aren’t you?” A short, pink-haired girl next to her tried to pull her into the conversation.

“Uh, yeah. I am.”

“She’s so nice! I had never met her before, and she has this persona, you know. Didn’t think she’d be so nice, and drunk!” She laughed, not noticing Karlie’s worried stance. “She was definitely drunk. Oh, I’m Ashley, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Ashley. Do you happen to know where she went?”

“I have no idea, but don’t worry, Dianna’s probably taking care of her. Lauren said they always get like this in parties.”

“Yes. I’m sure she will.”

***

Childish jealousy was starting to pool in Karlie’s stomach, like when her best friends abandoned her in high school parties, but intensified by another type of jealousy she’d rather not to rely on. Karlie wandered around, walked through the crowd of guests as the food started being served. Taylor still hadn’t returned, and jealousy started turning into worry. She didn’t strike Karlie as the type to drown her problems in alcohol like that; something must’ve been wrong.

Finding a quiet place in the garden while the guests made their way to the hall, she dialed Jesse’s number. As always, he took a long while to answer, probably testing the caller’s will.

“What’s up?”

“Dianna Elise is here. I need you to tell me if I should worry.”

Silence. The silence was a bad omen.

“Jesse?”

“They had a… troubled friendship. Are you with Taylor?”

“Of course not, or else I wouldn’t be calling. She disappeared with Dianna and I don’t know if I should go after her.”

“Don’t. Just let her be.”

It wasn’t the answer Karlie wanted to hear, and she knew why Jesse advised her against going after them. He was protecting Taylor’s secret.

“I know Dianna is her ex.”

“She told you?”

“She didn’t have to. How high are the chances that I’ll find them making out if I go after them?”

“High. Trust me. You don’t wanna get involved in this.”

 _Too late_ , she thought of answering, but instead just thanked Jesse and hung up the call. It was weird, thinking about Taylor sneaking around a party filled with the industry’s big names to make out with her ex, leaving Karlie behind to do the niceties and pretend to be interested in anything else – anything that wasn’t Taylor herself. It was out of character, and she had no right to be hurt about it. But, as she made her way to the car and told Jason she was going back to the hotel, she realized that she was. Maybe Taylor was right earlier, maybe she was a lot, and Karlie couldn’t handle her plethora of personalities.

At least being alone in a five-star hotel room for the afternoon – _maybe for the night, too_ , her mind supplied – would give her the time to catch up on her writing.

***

It was almost 5 p.m. when the electronic click of the hotel door alerted Karlie of Taylor’s presence. She hurried to close her laptop’s lid but didn’t turn to look as unhurried steps got closer and closer behind her, and she heard as Taylor dropped her weight onto the mattress. Despite the tightness tugging on her heart, she was able to take a hot shower, wrap herself on a fluffy bathrobe, and write a few paragraphs.

“Are you ok?” Karlie asked as casually as she could.

“I’m fucked up. But I’ll survive,” Taylor slurred, and Karlie turned to look at her. Crumpled dress, hair just as messy as ever, unfocused eyes floating around the room. “Why did you leave?”

“I had to do some home-office, Wendy called. Since I couldn’t find you…”

“I’m so sorry, Karlie,” Taylor said, rubbing her face with both hands. Suddenly, glazed blue eyes were staring right back at her. “Sorry for leaving you there, I had some things to… sort out.”

“Yes, I’m sure you had.” Karlie winced at the bitterness on her voice. Was it Taylor’s fault that Karlie had started developing romantic feelings? She scanned her mind trying to find evidence that Taylor had given her reasons to get attached. Was it all in her head? “Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re mad at me.”

Damn Taylor, her soft voice and her observational skills. Or maybe Karlie just was too transparent. Well, no one else managed to read her like that before. The three seconds of silence before she could come up with a negative were enough for Taylor to roll off the bed and kneel clumsily next to Karlie’s chair, eyes almost level with hers.

“Did I fuck us up?” Taylor asked, ocean eyes wide under her bangs, face flushed with alcohol, and Karlie had a lump in her throat. It was probably the weirdest interaction she’d ever had in her life, but also the most intense, and she flinched at the feeling of Taylor’s warm hands on her knees.

“Of course not. It’s just a stupid party,” Karlie reassured her with a small smile. Taylor frowned. “You should go take a shower and go to bed early.” The hands on her knees didn’t move, Taylor didn’t even blink.

“Use that question. From earlier. Please.”

“What?”

“You said you’d save the question for another time, use it now. Please ask me _what you wanna know_.” Taylor was looking at her with pleading eyes, and they felt magnetic. Karlie couldn’t help but lower herself, cut the distance between them, and watch those eyes closely. She could feel Taylor’s breath, sweet with too many colorful drinks, and see her own hair falling like a curtain around them and brushing against Taylor’s cheeks. Karlie felt a wave of doubt crashing subtly in the back of her mind, but the forefront of her consciousness was taken by Taylor’s warm breath on her lips, Taylor’s wide eyes holding her stare, Taylor’s stealthy hands slowly making their way to her thighs. At that moment, Dianna didn’t even exist, and Karlie was assured by a pair of dilated pupils that she wasn’t the only one dancing around suffocating feelings.

It took the taste of vodka, so well-hidden by strawberry chapstick – _Taylor didn't use strawberry chapstick_ , Karlie remembered, and that made her pause –, to remind her that she shouldn’t be this close to kissing a drunk girl, who would most certainly regret this kiss and probably previous ones in the next 24 hours. The blunt nails scratching her skin and the litany of faint gasps against her lips were the last warning that things were getting out of hand.

"If you had any idea what you do to me, you'd be sobering up in another room right now," Karlie muttered through clenched teeth and realized the confession had the opposite impact than what she had planned, so she disentangled herself from the soft hands and intoxicating scent with her eyes shut. "If you regret this tomorrow, just don't say anything, ok? I'll be back later."

Karlie heard her own voice like it was an out of body experience as she pulled away, lifting herself from the chair and sliding her key card in the bath robe’s pocket. Taylor’s distressed eyes followed her movements until she closed the door behind her, trying to breathe through the stifling sensation in her stomach, not even realizing she was barefoot in the corridor of a packed hotel. Decidedly not thinking about what she left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I go again posting with an interval of weeks, but I hope it compensates for the delay (I was busy dealing with college and karma, the baddest of bitches). I LOVE to receive feedback from you, so please comment! Xoxo <3  
> Twitter: @repolastri


	10. Love song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter listening to Love Song, by Lana Del Rey. Slightly shorter, but I hope you like it!

Watching the yellow stripes slowly being revealed by the headlights was Karlie’s only distraction after Taylor turned off the radio. She left a wet mark on the led screen from the ice-cold beer bottle she was holding tightly between tense fingers. Just from the few hazy glances she caught sliding over her profile while she pretended to find the road signs way too interesting, Karlie knew her friend wouldn’t be driving for the rest of the night.

They didn’t talk about the day before. After Karlie returned to the bedroom, dragged a blanket over Taylor’s limp body sprawled on the double bed, claiming the cramped sofa for the night, they just pretended nothing happened. Taylor was annoyingly nice during breakfast, thanking her for being comprehensive and apologizing multiple times for getting so drunk they couldn’t enjoy the day together. Karlie plastered a smile on her face, too, and said that she wouldn’t be able to enjoy the day, anyway. _What a coincidence_ , that Wendy called, and she was forced to leave the party! Pleasantries exchanged, silence fell over them, and the day started chipping on Taylor’s already fragile high spirits.

Agitated from being in the same city for almost 24 hours, they hit the road as soon as they completed the check-out, and only paused to pull over a small diner when Karlie’s stomach started complaining about neglect. Taylor returned to the car with two packs of almost frozen beer, clearly not meaning to share with the designated driver.

“Did you go to the bathroom?” Karlie asked absentmindedly after a few minutes of hearing only the car engine and the beer swishing down Taylor’s throat.

“Nope, but I think there’s a bar not too far from here. We can stop in another 40 minutes.”

“Yeah, if you drink all that beer we’ll definitely be making bathroom pauses.”

“Got a problem with that?”

Taylor wasn’t looking at her. Instead, hard blue eyes were staring intently at the glove compartment.

“No, I’m just…” Karlie looked at the girl for a few seconds, trying to decide if pursuing the subject was a wise move. Often, people don’t like to have their drinking habits criticized. Hell, it wasn’t above Karlie to find a sweet escape in a bottle of wine from time to time, either. “…worried, that’s all. Not about the drinking. It’s just that you seem like you’re going through a rough patch.”

And Karlie _was_ worried. Even though jealousy was needling her heart, it was even worse to think about how Taylor might’ve been so heartbroken that she couldn’t deal with it sober.

“Don’t make me say things you don’t wanna hear,” Taylor said under her breath before taking another long sip. Karlie found herself watching as the musician wrapped pink lips around the seam of the bottle. 

“What do you mean?”

“Yesterday. I showed my cards, you left the room.”

“That’s not what happened at all.”

“What happened, then?”

Karlie turned to stare incredulously at Taylor. A bright red road sign reflected the headlights and brought her focus back to the wheel. Barely.

“Don’t make me say things you don’t wanna hear either,” she muttered, suddenly feeling like it was just too unfair that she was always the sober one. The one who always had to keep the train from going off the rails. She slowed down the car, with a brief sign to the black vehicle following them closely, and pulled over. Taylor stared at her with evident confusion.

“Your security guards can drive us tonight, right? That’s why they’re here, after all, so let’s even the playing field,” Karlie answered the unasked question as she stretched her torso between the car seats to grab a bottle of beer. They spent a few minutes in silence, neither knowing how to restart the uncomfortable conversation, Karlie trying to buy herself some time to numb the edges. It startled her when the other girl opened the door and slid out of the car, quickly slipping into the darkness and reappearing with her back to the windshield, beer bottle leaning against the glass.

“Ok, then,” Karlie said to herself and left the car too. The temperature was dropping by the minute, and a thin wet film already covered the pavement. She supported her weight on her elbows next to Taylor, back against the hood of the car, and waited for the blow she feared was coming.

Their headlights were still on, which meant Karlie could see Taylor’s fingers fidgeting with the seam of her gray sweater, and said gray sweater sliding over her shoulders, wild curls and unkempt bangs framing her soft face. Sometimes, with all the attitude, it was easy to forget about how sensitive Taylor was, and how badly Karlie hoped not to hurt her. _Like Dianna did_ , an ugly voice whispered in the back of her mind, and she shook her head to send it away. Taylor noticed.

“What?”

“Why did you two break up?”

Taylor’s eyes widened, but she was quick to get over the shock and didn’t seem to have the energy to play dumb.

“Dianna cheated. I mean, we weren’t a couple, really, but… We had something. I thought it was special. I guess we weren’t on the same page.” Her voice didn’t betray any emotion. It was like she trained this speech in front of the mirror many times before.

“What made you think it was special?”

Taylor shrugged.

“It was just a feeling. I have a bad habit of turning feelings into memories.” She laughed bitterly. “Also, I don’t think she was all that excited to trail around after a closeted girl.”

“She seemed pretty excited to do just that yesterday,” Karlie remarked, not being able to hide the bitterness crawling around in her chest. In the silence that followed, she slid to the backseat to grab and open two more bottles of beer and waited for Taylor to keep going.

“She has a boyfriend, now. She can come and go, without worrying about holding my hand in public, you know… The things she can do with him and couldn’t with me.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Do I seem okay?”

“Uh… No?”

They laughed, despite the seriousness of the subject.

“And did you… I mean, when she comes back, do you just… let her?”

“She kissed me, or at least she tried to, but it was mostly just… me screaming and throwing things, and then passing out in the backseat of the car. I don’t even like her anymore, it’s the ugliest feeling,” Taylor said, glazed eyes fixed on the pavement like she could see the flashbacks projected next to her feet.

“Oh,” Karlie breathed out, feeling stupid for making so many assumptions.

“That’s what I wanted you to ask me, yesterday. I thought you were… jealous, I guess. I wanted to clear the air.” A playful smile. “Totally misread the situation, as per usual.”

“I was. I just didn’t think I had any right to be.”

Taylor gasped next to her.

“But you left, Karlie.”

“Because you were too drunk to be coherent. I left the room so I wouldn’t give you anything else to regret.”

Laughter bubbled up Taylor’s chest and she dropped her head back against the windshield, long legs dragging along the metal. “Oh, God. I spent the entire day trying to figure out a way to escape this road trip. Didn’t think I’d be able to keep up, ignoring the fact that I basically threw myself at you.”

Even though Taylor’s good-humored laughter was a relief, Karlie realized then and there how close she’d been to ruining everything. The reminder of the job she was supposed to be doing cut like a sharp knife through her inebriated state, but her head was still heavy with the memory of Taylor’s breath against her lips. Hands burning her skin under the bathrobe. _I basically threw myself at you._ Something sour found shelter in her stomach at the thought that the thing she wanted the most was also the means to a professional end.

Taylor’s eyes searched for hers, and Karlie normally wouldn’t able to ignore such a warm invitation, if it weren’t for the soft promise of Taylor’s cupid’s bow lips calling for attention.

“What would’ve happened had I been sober?” Taylor whispered as if they were sharing a secret.

“I would’ve kissed you.” Karlie abandoned their bottles next to the car before proceeding to stand in front of Taylor, who straightened herself immediately. Curious, wild eyes were flickering over the taller woman’s determined stance. Karlie’s hands found Taylor’s knees, parting them just enough to leave space for her hips. “I would’ve pulled you onto my lap.” With a little more force than necessary, she pulled at the back of Taylor’s knees, bringing her forward until they were close enough to feel each other’s stuttered breaths, Taylor’s thighs wrapped around Karlie’s waist. “And I would’ve made a fool of myself trying to ruin you for anyone else. Because I _was_ jealous, Taylor.”

Deep blue eyes, swallowed by lust, took hold of Karlie’s. “You may have already ruined me.” Taylor’s lips grazed her cheekbones all the way to her ear. “And you haven’t even fucked me yet.”

Her breathless tone made Karlie bite back a groan, the hands still grasping the back of Taylor’s thighs moving upwards, the tips of her fingers tracing the inseam of Taylor’s jeans. When their lips crushed together, a mess of warm lips and hot breath, Karlie was done for. The tip of Taylor’s tongue running over her bottom lip, a graze of teeth, and there was desire settling low in her navel – right where the other girl was pressed tightly against her.

Taylor’s hands made a burning path, leaving a trail of goosebumps over Karlie’s back, and finally rested on the base of her neck – only to pull Karlie even harder into the kiss and tangle nimble fingers in her long hair. They were breathless, but it didn’t matter while Taylor’s tongue was sliding against hers, and the heels of Taylor’s feet were forcefully grazing the back of Karlie’s thighs. Karlie pulled back from the kiss for a split-second, but she didn’t have plans of taking a deep breath when there was a column of soft skin to be explored under her lips and teeth. Taylor gasped at the way the younger girl nipped at her skin, from her jaw to the base of her neck, one of Karlie’s hands moving firmly to Taylor’s waist and dipping lightly over the waistband of her jeans.

The sudden bright, white headlights from the black car parked right behind Taylor’s suddenly blinked in Karlie’s darkened vision like a wake-up call to the fact that they were very much in public. She took a step back, chest heaving, only to find Taylor’s lips red and swollen, a flush high on the girl’s cheeks, and a pair of eyes just as desperate as Karlie felt.

“Fuck, Taylor,” she said under her breath, laughing at how ridiculous it was that her mind was already fumbling to figure out how to get her hands and mouth all over the musician again.

“Yeah… I know. Poor Jason.” Taylor dropped her head on Karlie’s shoulder, arms now wrapped loosely around her neck, and let laughter wash away the tension. Barely. Neither of them was ready to let go just yet. “Karlie, say you’ll remember me.”

“What?”

“Stop thinking, just say it,” Taylor muttered in Karlie’s neck, a small smile on her raw lips.

“Taylor… I don’t wanna get a chance to forget you. _Ever_.”


End file.
